fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3190 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3190 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Angry Birds (Movie)]

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[The Great British Bake Off (series 6)]

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[Jennifer Nettles, Ronnie Dunn]

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[Free!]

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[Hannibal]

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[Jennifer Lien, who played Kes in Star Trek: Voyager]

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[BBC Robin Hood]

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(Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie/The Mirror Empire by Kameron Hurley)

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 036 secrets from Secret Submission Post #456.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It has come to my attention, based on reading some things that I wrote a couple years back, that I am a horrible person. And I don't know what to do with that information.

The fact that you recognized it speaks to the fact that you've already changed mindsets.

Are you different now? Would you do the same again?

Be better.

You haven't changed since "a couple years back"? What's stopping you from working on changing now if you haven't? I don't see the point in beating yourself up over the past. Take what you can from it in terms of what you need to change and how and then work on moving forward from there.

I don't really know what you're looking for here. Advice? Sympathy? Commiseration? I'd like to help, but I'm not sure how.

Do you mean you treated others badly? You like terrible things? You have problematic ideals? You're the type to abuse power? Could you possibly explain a little more?

You didn't realise it was horrible before. Now you do. That's change. Work out how you've shifted/should shift more. It's okay to feel a bit of guilt and shame, and if you negatively affected anyone still in your life who matters, you'll need to prove with actions that you're better than that now. If they hurt you and you were biting back... find some calmer, more assertive ways to defend yourself.

How do you feel about the things you wrote? I'd guess, based on this post, that you weren't particularly happy about them, but in the interest of not assuming...

If you feel remorse or regret, then you're not as horrible as you think. You can latch onto that and go from there. If your realization is more cold and detached in nature, then ask yourself whether you're okay with being the way you are. Change starts with acknowledging that you want to.

Some explanation... Um. Few years back there was this person I grew up with and hated, because they'd been consistently mean to me, but it was one of those situations where I couldn't just ignore them and go on with my life. So I'd daydream all kinds of shit and misfortune on them. Catharsis. Anyway. We finally drifted apart in recent years, and I got over it. So... this person died last year after a sudden illness, and I found myself actually pretty sad about it. And now I've come across some of the nasty shit I wrote about them, about 6 months prior to their death, and I feel like a total asshole.

As for why I posted this thread, I don't know. I just made the discovery, and FS was here, so...

FWIW, I don't think that makes you a horrible person. It's normal to have those sorts of thoughts when someone hurts you, especially if they hurt you over and over again. And you couldn't have known that they were going to get sick and die.

Here are the key things: you never actually did anything to them, or told them any of the things that you wrote. You felt sad when they died. And you feel bad about writing what you did. All of that says far more about what sort of person you are than what you wrote. You're not bad at all.

+1

That makes you *human*, not terrible, OP. And the fact that you feel sad about it and think what you did was horrible make me think you're probably actually pretty wonderful. It shows you have very high standards for yourself, and that's a good thing. I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you. You're a kind potato.

You worded it very well. I agree.

This also reminds me of an episode of Daria, "The Misery Chick". Well done how that episode played out dealing with guilt.

I hope you're feeling a little better, OP. As everyone else said, the fact that you feel sad and guilty is recognition that you're not a bad person.

Improve? I don't mean to sound glib, but is there a reason why that's not the glaringly obvious choice?

[ SECRET POST #3190 ]

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