fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3205 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3205 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Jurassic World]

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03.

[Anthony Bourdain]

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04.

[Puzzle&Dragons (mobile app game)]

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05.

[Fear the Walking Dead, Alicia and Nick]

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06.

[Hannah Pilkes, viner]

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07.

[Hetalia, Xenosaga]

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08.

[Undertale]

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09.

[School-Live!]

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10.

[Over the Garden Wall]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #458.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm an asexual (and aromantic) female, and every time I see a man being a macho, aggressive, self-entitled jackass, I always think, "If only the women in his life would accept what an asshole he is and refuse to fuck him or do shit for him until he learns better. And for me, it seems so easy for women to do that - to just decide they aren't going to put up with any of the bullshit anymore. But I also know that it's not the least bit east for many women.

Because neither attraction nor emotional attachment are all that voluntary for most women. Sometimes I ask myself, "If I weren't asexual, could I be attracted to a man who didn't respect me as an equal and treat me accordingly?" And every time I think, "No, I couldn't bear it, it would be infinitely worse to be with a person who didn't respect me as an equal than to be alone." But the truth is, how the fuck would I know what I would or wouldn't do or feel in that theoretical scenario?

Personally, I think your question is a good one, and I believe in your honest desire to know the answer. But it's a tough question to answer, and the answer is both very simple and very complicated. The simple answer is: neither sexual attraction nor emotional attachment are overly voluntary. I think they're more voluntary (i.e. less compulsive and more deliberate) for some people than for others, but ultimately, most people's appetites for both sex and emotional attachment are strong enough that they will eventually be driven to fuck and/or become emotionally attached to someone.

The more complicated answer is...it's about how many women have been taught to expect to be treated (badly/disrespectfully/inconsiderately). It's about how many women have been taught to think about themselves (last/in relation to a man) and value themselves (based on what they can do for others/based on who loves them/based on their desirability/based on a man). It's about what many women have been taught to expect from men (a steady worker if they're lucky) and even what many women have been taught to desire from men (machismo and all the often toxic bs that comes with it).

Men have, more often than not, been given the opposite lesson plan. So for a lot of men, it probably doesn't make sense that women still want to be with them if men are treating women so badly. Or else men think, "If we're that awful, why do women want relationships with us? Why not just fuck us and dump us?" Because for a lot of men, that's what they'd do. Fuck and dump, fuck and dump, until they find someone good enough to settle on, which usually means someone devoted enough to stay.

But women haven't been given that lesson plan. Most of us have been given the other one. The "you're not a whole person until you're emotionally dependent on someone else" lesson plan (among others that are equally problematic).

PLEASE NOTE: I'm NOT saying any of this is true of all women. And I'm NOT saying that women are just helpless vessels that society pours its teachings into, or that being victims of a misogynist society means we can't also be bullies or self-entitled assholes in our own right. I'm also NOT saying all men are assholes, or even that all men are particularly self-entitled. My dad's a guy who is painfully lacking in entitlement. He will always put everyone else first because he doesn't feel like he deserves as much kindness and consideration as everyone else. So I know first hand that sometimes guys don't reflect the raging self-entitlement feminists always talk about. But a lot of the time - far too much of the time - they do.

[ SECRET POST #3205 ]

Re: A Sincere Question About Being Attracted To Men