fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3219 ]

[ SECRET POST #3219 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3219 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[Suicide Squad]

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02.

[Dragonlance Legends]

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03.

[Takehiko Inoue's "Real"]

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04.

[Avatar the Last Airbender/Legend of Korra]

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05.

[Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis]

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06.

[The Twelve Kingdoms]

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07.

[Dramatical Murder]

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08.

[Hemlock Grove, Bill Skarsgard]

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09.

[Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D]

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10.

[Psycho]

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11.

[Outlander series, Dougal/Claire]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #460.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What are some ways you can respond to people who are deliberately being rude and insulting, without being rude yourself?

One that I've used is pretending to just not get it when someone insults me in a way that isn't straightforward (like, saying something that clearly implies that I'm stupid, rather than just coming right out and saying it). They are either trying to insult you without risking looking like an asshole, or they're just a coward. If you keep asking them to explain what they mean, it forces them to either say it outright, or backtrack and try to think up some non-insulting meaning for what they said, and it's kind of fun to watch them squirm trying to come up with something.

Be polite and stop responding.

When it's obvious the person is pretending to not know what they mean, it's just as passive aggressively obnoxious.

You know what they meant. Smile, politely disagree, and ignore the personal jabs.

Demand that they explain what they mean. If they retract it, accept their apology. If they refuse to apologize, challenge them to a duel.

I think your response is pretty good. I don't like to lower myself to the level of obnoxious people, I strive to have a bit more class than that, but that doesn't mean ducking your head and being passive. Turning the tables on them is best, rather than getting flustered and defensive.

It might seem smart from the defensive end but as the third party who watches this happen often between two coworkers, it gets obnoxious from both of them. Especially when I know the one getting all wide-eyed innocent "b-but what do you mean by that?" knows exactly what the other is saying but is playing coy in order to trap the first asshole. It comes off manipulative and full of just as much intent-to-harm.

Argue about justified or not all you want, but people can tell when you're playing the innocence game and it doesn't make you look good.

How do you think your co-worker should respond to the other one being an asshole to them?

Be direct. "Look, I have something to ask you in all seriousness. You're not being very nice to me, and I find it hurtful. Could you stop doing that, please?" if they don't, you now have a case you can take it to HR of someone continuing to do something after you literally spelled out that you would like them to stop. Without that, if you had merely been faking ignorance and asking questions? You have no case. You egged them on.

Politeness doesn't mean passive, nor does it mean acting nice while trying to get revenge. Be honest, direct, and professional.

That's a very fine line to walk. In my experience, being direct and honest like that leads to people thinking you're a bitch for making a scene, not letting things go, etc. Confrontation, even if it's professional and non-malicious, tends to be frowned upon. Maybe it depends on the workplace.

I wish it always could be like you described - I'm a very blunt and confrontational person and I prefer to have things in the open and move past them rather than let them fester. It's something I've had to reign in to the point where at work, I will often hold my tongue even if I think I have a reasonable right to say something. Sadly, I've even recently been proven right. Speaking up just draws negative attention. :(

I'm a fan of intentionally missing the point. I remember an anon troll telling me to kill myself once, and I responded with an offended rant about how my body wouldn't be found until it started stinking up the building, and what did my neighbors ever do to you, anon? Huh? What do you have against my neighbors?

Laugh like they told a joke, and say "oh, you're so *funny*"

Or do *long blank stare* (blinking optional) until it makes them super uncomfortable.

You could also remind yourself that their little backhanded compliment/thinly veiled insult says more about them than it does about you. Could you imagine being someone who has that much nastiness inside themselves?

Laugh like they told a joke, and say "oh, you're so *funny*"

Oh please don't do this if you can help it. This has always been my default for dealing with people making of or insulting me and it always makes me feel so bad. Once you make a habit of laughing off insults, people don't think twice about continuing to make you a target because, on the surface, you take their jabs with good humor and they can pretend you guys are just joking around even when they are purposely being mean and you're actually hurting on the inside. I used to laugh off getting punched in the face or get threatened with other bodily harm and I'm still mad at myself for it. I still take shit with a smile because it's easier, but it doesn't ever actually help things and I don't think it's a good way to deal with someone insulting you.

Well, I don't recommend it if you're sensitive to that kind of treatment.

But physical abuse is a whole different ballgame, and clearly not something to treat like a joke.

I'm sorry people were such assholes to you.

I don't think they mean a genuine laugh, but more sarcastic... I don't know how I can say what I'm imagining, because it really has to do with the tone of voice.

It's less "laughing it off," and more dismissive, I think.

Passive-aggressive, then. Not a good tack to take.

I find it suitable.

Then again, I'm assuming OP isn't looking for a permanent solution to the problem, or trying to get the offending person to do some serious soul searching. They just want to ruin that person's fun in the moment.

honestly, laughing at people like that is a way of dismissing their behaviour as "just a joke"

and then they'll continue to do it, like the commenter downthread said

IMO if they're going to make shitty comments about people, then they need to own the consequences of their actions

OP isn't looking to get someone to *stop* being an asshole, though. They just want some amusing comebacks/responses to assholish behavior.

And really, you can't make someone stop their offending behavior. You can speak your piece about how you find it offensive, and then walk away when they start up again. Better yet, just don't hang out with someone like that if at all possible.

> it's kind of fun to watch them squirm trying to come up with something

I think this deserves to be asked here: do you genuinely want to respond back politely to obnoxious people, or do you want to "get back" at them while still sounding nice - exactly the same thing they're doing to you, only in an "acceptable" way?

Not AYRT but I would say I would want people to be aware of how much of a jerk they were being, and sometimes that's a good way to do it.

Depends on the circumstances.

One time when grocery shopping I happened to be in line behind a black customer who was giving the (also black) cashier a hard time because she dared ask him if he wanted paper or plastic. It was something like "What's the point of asking me if I want paper or plastic? You know I want plastic, I'm black, motherfucker." (Can't say I really get his logic, but...)

Her response was a dry "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that" as she pulled out some plastic bags for him.

I always like the Carolyn Hax way of just saying "Wow." in response.

omg, I am really bad at this (not a naturally snarky person) but this makes me think of Miss Manners, who has the BEST snarky comebacks to underhanded rudeness.

Your response is good too and is probably something she's suggested at one point.

Etiquettehell can be a hive of scum and villainy, but I like some of their suggested responses to rudeness and entitlement:

"What an interesting assumption."

"So kind of you to take an interest."

Also, for entitled people who want you to do something majorly inconvenient so they won't have to:

"I'm afraid that won't be possible."

and

"Why would I want to do that?"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3219 ]

"Polite" responses to obnoxious people

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Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people

Re: "Polite" responses to obnoxious people