[ SECRET POST #3226 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3226 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[Animal Crossing]


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03.
[Steven Universe]


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04.
[Excess Baggage]


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05.
[Sue Perkins]


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06.
[Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron-Blooded Orphans]


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07.
[Vin Diesel]


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08.
[Hemlock Grove]









Notes:

Sorry about early, have stuff to do!

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 026 secrets from Secret Submission Post #461.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

Bravo for facing the possibility that your GF's response to you may have something to do with your own behavior. The fact that you're here, saying the things you are, and willing to take responsibility if need be, tends to suggest it's probably far more to do with your GF's issues than your own sexual behavior. However, it's so important that you're willing to consider all the possibilities.

As far as things go, I have a friend who once told me that it felt like rape every time she had sex with the first three guys she had sex with (all of them boyfriends of hers). I definitely think that had mainly to do with her own issues, but that doesn't mean it had nothing to do with the guys, either.

I think it can be hard for guys to understand what sex can be like for some women (note I said SOME not ALL). Here you are, alone and often in a vulnerable position with someone who is way stronger than you, and who is part of a group (male) that, statistically, does the group you're a part of (female) a lot of physical harm. The only reason they aren't raping you is because they're choosing not to. If they wanted to, you probably couldn't stop them, and your support system and the legal system may not support you if this person did rape you. So really, it's not that they won't rape you; it's that they haven't yet. Is that because they're a decent person who genuinely cares for you? Or are they only a decent person until you piss them off? What would it take for them to become not such a decent person? You just don't know, and you never want to find out.

It's (presumably) easy for most men to look inside themselves and say "I would never, ever rape a woman." But we women can't have that certainty. A woman who is absolutely certain that a particular man would never rape her is a trusting woman. Is says good things about her relationship and about her ability to trust. But what she has is, ultimately, a false sense of security. Because she can't know for sure.

I mean, you can't know for sure that your GF won't stab you in the gut one day. The difference is that only a minuscule number of men are ever stabbed in the gut by their GF's/wives, whereas a pretty scary number of women (8.8% according to one fairly reputable 2014 study) are beaten/raped by their BF's/husbands. If 8.8% of men were stabbed by their GF's/wives in their lifetimes (with no certainty that the law would do anything about it), think of how scary it would be to risk pissing her off.

So there you are, trying to be intimate and loving with this person who you genuinely care for, but depending on who you are, it's not always easy to forget that, as Louis CK says, "there is no greater threat to women than men."

Louis CK here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDh4qk1Tl8k
Source of the 8.8% stat here: http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/ss6308a1.htm

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

a pretty scary number of women (8.8% according to one fairly reputable 2014 study) are beaten/raped by their BF's/husbands

The 8.8% statistic actually accounts only for rape. I added the "beaten" part in last moment, because I don't like the implication that rape is the only kind of violence that is potentially getting in the way of trust and intimacy between some women and some men. But the stats for partner/spousal abuse are a whole other thing, not included in that 8.8%.

Re: Trigger warning - Rape

[(Anonymous)]

SA

Finally, while I admire your commitment to your GF, I think you should be prepared for the serious possibility that it's just not going to work out with her.

It's possible that the way she feels when you two have sex can be worked through with some therapy and a lot of talking through it and trust exercises. But it's also possible that none of that stuff will change much about the way she feels. And in that case, you'll be doing yourself a real disservice by staying.

The friend I had who felt similarly about her first three BF's ended up marrying a guy who she could be comfortable with sexually. Basically, she's just a really quiet, introverted kind of person, and while she's drawn to guys with more dominant personalities, the way that translated in the bedroom was as someone who was unwantedly dominant (simply by default of being more dominant than her) and who she just couldn't connect with. The guy she ended up with is even more quiet and introverted than she is. They're relationship is not all that passionate, but I guess she doesn't feel like he's dominating her, either. Point being, it wasn't the previous guys bedroom behaviors that were the problem; it was their entire personalities - not because they were bad guys (I knew them; I liked them), but because they were naturally more forceful, assertive people than she was, and I think that translated to a bad experience in the bedroom for her.