fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3234 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3234 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[Golden Girls]

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02.

[Boku no Hero Academia]

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03.

[C.S. Lewis vs. J.R.R. Tolkien]

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04.

[Pokémon, Leah Remini]

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05.

[Tales of Zestiria]

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06.

[The Man In The High Castle]

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07.

[Marjorie Liu, Sana Takeda, Monstress]

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08.

[Sleepy Hollow]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 020 secrets from Secret Submission Post #462.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 2 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Mother is trying her hardest to sweep it under the rug. First she tried to pretend nothing happened, then wrote a half-assed apology that was all about how she was walking on eggshells, how she can't be expected to change, how my wife is "taking me from my family." Which that last one is especially a red flag now. My wife and I have a healthy relationship. We help each other up when we're down and such, but don't expect the other to magically cure our problems.

I've learned that anyone jealous of a happy, healthy relationship probably realizes on some level that it means less control for them. It's tiring--she keeps trying to force me into contact. But I'm tired of being insulted and put down, of every little thing being picked at as a "joke." And I've told her before I don't like it, to which she says I need thicker skin.

I'm tired of it and wish she'd leave me alone and quit trying to force contact.

Your wife is your family though, isn't she? Arguably closer family since it's family you chose rather than family you were born into. Your mother sounds like the one trying to take you away from your family.

Yeah, I outright told her no one is taking me, but she's driving me away with how she treats me. I've cut her off every way I can, but she's started pestering other people in an attempt to force contact.

It sounds tough, anon. If at all possible, one day in the future, I hope you can reconcile with your mom and have her be a part of your life, but she's going to have to at least first take responsibility for what she did.

I don't think I want her in my life, given she dismissed my wife's abuse as a lie and that my wife was just using me.

Dude, fuck her. Seriously. Don't pick up th3 phone, don't look on facebook, block her email, etc etc.

If she's being like this? Just fuck it. Cut her out.

Already blocked what I can. I go on Facebook to play games, but have blocked her there, now, too. She's still pestering family members. :/

Well, then I guess make it clear to the family that you have no want or need to see her or speak to her. Explain wht if you want, but you have no obligation to do so. If they continue to pester you about your mom because she keeps pestering them (or they don’t believe you about the abuse or defend her actions at all), then cut them out.

I'm no where near in the same kind of situation, but I had to do something similar after something blew up in my face and the threw me under a bus. I haven't talked to them since.

Wow, so many boundaries are needed. I doubt your mother will want to hear this, but it'd help if you focused the discussion on her, specifically her behavior. Your relationship is broken because [your mother's actions], not because of anything your wife does or does not do.

But basically, approach it like you train a dog. Good behavior from your mother gets the "treat" of your attention and time, if that's what you're willing to spend. Bad behavior gets her nothing. No attention, no contact, no time spent with you. If she starts up with the bad behavior in a conversation, warn her that unless she stops putting you down (for example), you're going to have to say goodbye. If she doesn't stop, say goodbye and then hang up or leave. Do it every single time. Let some time pass, a few weeks, a few months, then start up like nothing happened. First sign of bad behavior? Goodbye, Mom, talk to you later.

Boil everything down to the essentials. You're not going to argue about personal stuff, or your wife and her "taking you away from your family". You're not going to stick around for verbal abuse or accusations. Good behavior = conversation, bad behavior = bye bye now. Lather, rinse and repeat.

Honestly, it sounds like you've got her figured out.

You can't change her, or control what she does. But you can control your reaction to her. By that, I don't mean your feelings, but your actions. You don't want to talk to her? Don't talk to her. Don't want to read her insincere e-mail/text? Delete it. She may be entitled to not changing, but you're perfectly entitled to not put up with the bullshit of a person who has no interest in changing.

If you need a breather, give yourself permission to have one. "Mother" won't make that decision for you, and shouldn't.

[ SECRET POST #3234 ]

Abuse anon from the other night

Re: Abuse anon from the other night

Re: Abuse anon from the other night

Re: Abuse anon from the other night

Re: Abuse anon from the other night

Re: Abuse anon from the other night

Re: Abuse anon from the other night

Re: Abuse anon from the other night

Re: Abuse anon from the other night

Re: Abuse anon from the other night