fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3244 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3244 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[The Walking Dead]

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[Splatoon]

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[Doc Martin]

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[Silmarillion]

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[Tucker & Dale vs. Evil]

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[Deep Blue Sea]

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[undertale]

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(Fantasy author Scott Lynch)

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(Taylor Swift, "Shake it Off")

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11.

[Dany Boon]

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[Masturbation Master Kurosawa]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 078 secrets from Secret Submission Post #464.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So the other night I saw a guy sleeping out in the park with no hat (it's freezing here right now). Feeling bad for him, I swung by and picked up a hat. The guy was grateful and broke down in tears and basically told me his life story. I took him for a coffee and a sandwich because hell, it was all I could do to help.

He asked me to come back and meet him on Sunday. I think he saw me as some kind of angel or something, the idea of which is just so horrible to me. I can't help, I'm barely keeping my own life together thanks to my shitty health, I rent and don't have a spare room - even if I went crazy and thought that was remotely a good idea.

I don't want to give him false hope, I'm not some sort of saviour. But... I don't want to stand by and do nothing. So what do I do, FS? How can I help this guy?

If you do go, you could be upfront about not having any money.

I tried to be at the time but... have you ever tried telling someone who looks terrified, has no family, and is shaking from cold that you have no money? The words stuck in my throat and I felt bloody ashamed of myself.

Try faking a heart attack and then never going back near there again.

Or call your local Salvation Army office and ask if they have someone who can go with you and give more concrete advice.

Thanks, I'll look into that. I didn't realise the Sally Army did that kind of thing.

I understand. If you can, maybe spend some time looking up local shelters, soup kitchens, etc. and writing the information down to give him. If your finances allow, you might also assemble a small kit with socks, maybe some personal hygiene stuff (travel toothbrush/toothpaste, bar of soap, etc.) and some shelf stable snacks (packages of cheese and crackers, tuna pouch, etc.) to give him.

You don't need to put yourself in a "guardian angel" position. It was super awesome of you to do what you did (especially with giving clothes/food instead of just cash). But the best thing you can do for this guy is call a shelter or some agency who could help him.

Yeah, I think you're right. Thanks, anon.

So stand him up. Or comp him a hot cup of coffee and explain all you can do is listen to him. Play it by ear to see if you can continue to do so, but let him know firmly that if you say no then you mean no and he cannot be sitting around waiting on you.

Thanks anon. Sounds like good advice.

He might just appreciate having someone to chat to. Like, you don't have to go. But if you do decide to go, just keep it to a "how are you going/what's up" type conversation. I doubt he's expecting a free beanie every time.

He put quite a lot of pressure on to let him stay with me. It sounds creepy like that, but it was more desperate. :(

I think you're right though.

It is lonely on the streets, especially if it is your first time having to live on them and you haven't worked out how to do it.

Sounds like you're speaking from experience, OP?

He was older, over 50 I think.

Just because you aren't in your teens doesn't mean you won't end up on the streets at any time. I've seen people in the 60s and 70s end up there, usually because of medical expenses and family breakdowns. It is so easy to end up there, and so very hard to get off of them once you are.

Be kind, but very firm. Repeat the "That's not possible" as many times as you need to, and don't offer any explanations or reasons, so there is no debate. Figure out how much you're willing and able to do for this man and stick to your guns. Guilt's a funny thing, but you really don't want to end up guilt tripping yourself into doing things you don't want to do for a stranger, no matter how pitiable.

He's probably just lonely, but if it made you uncomfortable you don't have to go. It's a hard balance, see how you feel on the day.

Is there any kind of homeless outreach in your area? You might want to check around and see. The best thing you could do would be to get him in touch with an organization that specializes in helping people like him.

The Sally Army is usually the best bet for that. They can be a bit judgemental, depending on the local chapter, but they are usually a good start.

I'll check it out, thanks anon.

If you do decide to help him, then let someone know where you are going and agree with a friend to give you a safety call about halfway through with orders to call the cops if you don't reply. You probably won't need a safety call, homeless people are seldom monsters, but there is always one. 'k.

Anon, believe it or not, I was very recently in a similar situation, except the homeless man kept coming to see me at my place of work (library).

It's a matter of establishing your boundaries. You are not an angel, you are not someone who works in direct service to the homeless, you are not obligated to let him live with you (holy crap, no!) or even return to see him again. Him putting any kind of pressure on you is highly inappropriate on his part (albeit unsurprising, being homeless sucks -- still, absolutely do not give in to pressure or guilt-tripping).

If you feel bad about not helping him further, call a local homeless shelter and let them know this guy is out there and is looking for help. The end.

Go and bring a printed list of food banks, shelters, and halfway houses with you. Don't give money, give the list. Even if he asks, don't give contact information.

Listen to his problems if you want, but keep it short and leave before you are tempted to promise any more help.

It could just be that he needs to talk? Men in this position tend to get ignored rather a lot. Emotional support is not a life-saving as what you think he needs from you, but it can work wonders.

It may just be that he wants to be around someone who cares. It's very easy to get demoralized and think that no one gives a shit about you, when you're at rock bottom.

[ SECRET POST #3244 ]

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