[ SECRET POST #3252 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3252 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 047 secrets from Secret Submission Post #465.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 2 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: rant thread

[(Anonymous)]

Not be harsh, but if a friend/acquaintance tried to message me so they could "air out some grievances", I would be less than thrilled and wonder why this wasn't an e-mail instead. ESPECIALLY if it's a "you're causing me anxiety" message. I think the only time I'd find this level of confrontation acceptable is if you've already spoken to me about the issue and I'm still continuing whatever behavior is bothering you and also oh yeah, for some reason your e-mail is broken.

I'm very protective of my free time and I would not like for a real time conversation to be initiated just for this purpose. If it's as emotionally messy as you say, that's a good reason to sit down and write out your message carefully, then let people have as much time as they need to process it. It'd improve your chances of a considered reply.

This also makes me wary:

"...oh, it's just that I don't want to disappoint these people, and I feel way beneath them and that's why I'm anxious."

... yeah. I get that people are insecure and anxious sometimes. I am, too! But that's my thing to handle. Telling other people that ooh, you feel so inferior etc. etc. is... weird. Like, what are they supposed to do with that information? What are you asking them to do to change that, when it sounds like an issue that's caused by your anxiety?

Re: rant thread

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT
We had a conversation face-to-face with these people about this situation last night, so I felt it a good point of continuation, and again, one of the members encouraged the sharing, and assured me it would be a good thing to do.

I have not asked for them to change anything, and I even made a point to place the blame squarely on me. I have issues. And unfortunately they have an effect. Only reason this has even come out at the group is that I've started to throw up before each meeting and basically look like death when I get there. These people are my friends and I figured they needed an honest explanation, even if it's not something they can or need to do anything about. Just y'know, understand why I'm silent and stuff.

Perhaps you are right, this might not have been a good idea, and the people might feel really uncomfortable, and I should have thought of that. (hey, i've been regretting the message for almost as soon as I sent it, soooo nothing new here)

Also I don't even know half of their emails. We're not really email people.

Re: rant thread

[(Anonymous)]

I see. Maybe it's because I'm older, but if someone doesn't have my e-mail, then we're not so close that this is a sharing moment I'd welcome. Not if it's big and emotionally messy, anyway. But more on that in a bit...

As long as you're pretty sure the person who recommended you contact the whole group has a good idea of how everyone else would like for that to be handled, I guess it's fine. One thing to keep in mind is that if you're just giving people a heads up that you're going through a rough patch and that's why you've been acting weird is that this doesn't need to be a big Thing. You want people to nod and accept it and move on, yes? So don't make it into something dramatic. If you keep it casual, other people will react accordingly. If you make it into some big scary announcement, other people will worry and get all weird on you.

Re: rant thread

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT
If you make it into some big scary announcement, other people will worry and get all weird on you.
I fear that this had already happened, seeing that I tried to keep it from them as long as I could, but having a normally cheery person be there slowly rocking back and forth in his chair and trying to breathe... It's like, we're way past that point of it not being weird and scary. I'm sad that it came to this, I'm not well equipped to handle these situations. If I could jump back in time to when this started and be like "Hey I'm a bit anxious, cool, ye?" I totally would. But what's done is done, regarding the message and regarding this whole mess in general.

/sigh

Re: rant thread

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah... might be a bit late if your message has already gone out and you've heard nothing back but radio silence. But you're going to see or talk to these people again, surely? Take a deep breath and try to be calm. If you're seeking therapy (and it sounds like maybe you should consider it if your anxiety has reached the point of regular vomiting) then casually mention that you had a bad night, you'll be talking to a therapist about it soon, and then move on. Most people will follow your lead.

Re: rant thread

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT
Yeah, we should have a game night at some point next week, hopefully. I asume it will be brought up and it will be awful for a while, but I hope we can move on.

I am indeed in therapy at the moment. It's not really working, though. The therapist might not be the right for me.

Anyway, thanks for listening, and giving your insight to this matter.

Re: rant thread

[(Anonymous)]

You're welcome. A helpful thing for me is that there is a certain element of truth to "fake it till you make it" in anxiety. Obviously I'm not talking about repressing all your worries and not treating mental health issues here, but when you're in a social situation and freaking out, it can be really, really help to give yourself a moment, and try to project an air of calm. Pretend like this is a movie and you're an actor, and right now you're playing someone who has their shit together.

It's self reinforcing. When you manage to get through the social interaction just fine and people don't weird out on you (because they think you're doing fine and everything is cool), you start to feel like yeah, maybe I CAN handle this! And voila, your anxieties die back a bit.

Re: rant thread

[diet_poison]

Yeah, it's probably because you're older. Not gonna mess with the rest of it right now since I'm only skimming the comments but very few people know my email outside of professional contacts because I just don't use it that much. It's not the best way to get ahold of me for social reasons.