[ SECRET POST #3254 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3254 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 029 secrets from Secret Submission Post #465.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Long post

[(Anonymous)]

No, it was nothing like that. No romantic entanglement. I...abandoned him when he needed me, when I could easily have been there for him. His mental health was in a massive downward spiral at the time, so maybe he wouldn't have reacted the same way if it had happened a few months earlier, but the way the circumstances lined up...well, he felt betrayed, and even now that he's doing a little bit better, the strength of how he felt at the time left a heavy mark on his thoughts about me, and, I believe, his thoughts about getting close to people in general.

Maybe it doesn't sound like a good reason to those who don't know him; his life story justifies his thought process, but it's not my story to tell. If nothing else, though, I respect his feelings and his decisions. I just regret that it happened, and that I made the mistake in the first place, no matter what else was in play at the time. It hurts to no end to imagine the rest of my life without him, but if he feels safer or happier without me in his life, I'm not going to push, beyond letting him know I'm sorry and that I'll always be there if his mind changes.

Re: Long post

[(Anonymous)]

OP again. Clarification: I feel I unintentionally implied that I think what I did wasn't bad and that he took it out of proportion. That isn't how I feel. When I said it might not sound like a good reason, I was referring to the exact action, which...I didn't actually reveal, because I felt the gist of it was enough, and the details would only detract from the crime. I'm a bit used to defending his response when talking to those who do know the details and think it a petty thing, so...I got defensive when it didn't make sense to do so, at the expense of expressing the remorse I feel.

Also, nothing wrong with curiosity.

Re: Long post

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Okay, this is weird. I may have had a similar experience a couple of years ago, I kid you not. Except I wasn't in love with my friend, so it was infinitely easier for me. We were pretty close though.

In my case my friend had been immensely depressed and anxious, possibly grappling with an undiagnosed personality disorder, and edging on suicidal for a couple of years before we split. She was a genuinely good, extremely caring person, and I tried to be supportive for a long time, but eventually I couldn't keep saying the same useless things without feeling like I was just feeding into her mental illness and validating the way it was making her see things. So I told her I needed some time, and I cut off communication with her for a month, assuring her I would be coming back and that I hoped she would feel better. But when I came back she felt abandoned and judged and wasn't willing to be friends anymore.

The thing is: I was a bit judgmental. I'd gotten tired of hearing about how much she hated herself, and hated life, and how the world sucked; and of watching how that mentality fed back into itself forever. I suspect I was more insensitive towards my friend than you were towards yours by a fair bit.

Now, when you say you "abandoned" your friend, I don't know if this is what you mean; that you weren't there for him when his mental health crisis was going down. But I suspect that his mental healthy crisis probably had a lot to do with why you did whatever you did, because frankly, extreme mental healthy issues have a way of getting the better of every single person in their vicinity. And in all likelihood, the fact that your friend can't see past whatever you did, to the deeply caring friend you obviously are, suggests his mental health issues are still getting the better of him.

I'm not saying your friend is a jerk or anything like that. I'm saying it seems pretty likely your friend isn't making his interpersonal decisions from a very emotionally or psychologically balanced place right now, and that his refusal to reconcile with you is probably more to do with that, than to do with whatever you actually did.

Still, it sounds like you don't really care if you're to blame, if only you could have your friend back. So I'm sorry, because I don't really know if there's any comfort to be got there. Except, of course, that if your friend is making decisions from an psychologically unbalanced place, he may well see things differently if his mental health improves. Which sounds like it could well happen. *shrugs*