fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3261 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3261 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 052 secrets from Secret Submission Post #466.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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The Old Spice Guy / The New Old Spice Guy

Yes please.

It was 1:00 in the afternoon, but Old Spice Guy had still not got out of bed. It wasn't normal for him to sleep in like this, but he just didn't feel like doing anything except glare up at the ceiling and think about how ANGRY he was over being replaced.

Curse that uppity newcomer, New Old Spice Guy! Who did he think he was, usurping the position that original Old Spice Guy had held since time immemorial?!

So preoccupied was he with silently fuming, he failed to notice when a cute little pixie flew through his open bedroom and landed on the top of his head.

"Old Spice Guy, where have you been? We miss you!" cried the pixie.

"Haven't you heard the news? I've been replaced!" said Old Spice Guy. A single manly tear fell from each of his scintillating orbs.

"IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME WITHOUT YOU! THIS NEW GUY ISN'T AS GOOD AS YOU WERE!" wailed the pixie, crying somewhat less manly tears.

Old Spice Guy suddenly sat up. The pixie's sorrow had emboldened him with new determination. He now knew what he must do.

He must SEDUCE his successor.

The next day, he went to New Old Spice Guy's office (which had once been his office) and said sexily,

"Hello, New Old Spice Guy. Look at yourself. Now back to me. Now back at yourself. Now back to me. Sadly, you aren't me, but if you stopped not-having-sex-with-me and started having sex with me, you could absorb some of my awesomeness and seem like you're me. Look down, back up, where are you? You're in my bachelor pad with me, the man you could be like. What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it. It's a bottle of lubricant and two flavoured condoms that taste like that food you love. Look again, the condoms are now diamonds. Anything is possible when you have sex with me. I'm in your ass."