[ SECRET POST #3272 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3272 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #468.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Marriage question

[elialshadowpine]

Yeah, coming in late again. You're not necessarily off the hook on the kids question. My ex's family, the SECOND time they met me, asked us when we were going to have kids. After I internally picked my jaw up off the floor, because my ex's family is super conservative, of the sort that my ex ranted about how they gossiped about other people having "kids out of wedlock." I tried to explain to my ex-MIL that I can't have kids because pregnancy could kill me (which is true), but she was having none of it. When my ex was halfway to the car, she caught me by the arm to tell me how much better I'd feel once I had a baby, and God would take care of everything. Oh, and she'd be praying for me to get pregnant.

I may have spent that car ride home ranting at top volume and saying if that bitch prayed me pregnant, I was sending her the bill for the abortion. Several years later, when I told my sister about this (mind, my sister is Mormon), she told me I should've printed a fake bill and sent it to her. My sister is sometimes more devious than I am.

But yeah. We weren't married. We'd been together less than a year. And they were asking when we were gonna start popping out kids. FFS.

Re: Marriage question

[kallanda_lee]

Oh, trust me I know.

I think my bf's mother still dislikes me for being the woman "responsible" for her son not having bought a house and having babies, never mind he's more opposed to it than i am.

But at least random strangers are less pushy when the know you're not married.

Re: Marriage question

[elialshadowpine]

In my case, I've been well-liked by my former in-laws and my to-be in-laws. I don't get shit; my partners, on the other hand, do. I have no freaking clue why this is, but at least I've managed to restore some measure of a relationship between my husband's parents, him, and his daughters. I do know how to work people better, and I don't mean in a bad way. Both my ex and my husband are on the spectrum and they do not people very well. I'm on the spectrum myself but as I've put it, I have an internal social rulebook that is very comprehensive. But it still broke my heart to have my husband's 21yr old daughter glomp me crying and thanking me for bringing back the Nana she remembered and loved and missed. :-\

That's sorta rambly, but I've been up 24hrs at this point sooo. >_>

I've had the total strangers asking, too. It's bizarre. My MIL-to-be is the FIRST that HASN'T said anything about kids, and that's likely because my husband (clarification: I refer to him as that because we had a non-legally-binding handfasting ceremony) has already had two daughters, now adults, and is snipped. It's *possible* to reverse that but it's not likely to be effective given he had it done in the late 90s. But I told her about my medical issues and that kids were not going to be a thing for us, and she understood.

Granted, kids WILL be a thing with my fiancee and boyfriend, who are trying for baby. My fiancee lost a baby at 27wks in the NICU 5yrs ago; I flew out as soon as I could after that, but I'm still pissed off at my ex-partner and ex-boyfriend who argued and badgered when Omi was first hospitalized at about 22wks. I had a feeling I needed to be there, and I was looking up flight prices but they convinced me that it wasn't necessary and I wouldn't have a solid return date and that it would be more expensive because one way tickets are about the same price etc etc etc. She and I were involved at that point, long distance, and I should've been there. Sigh.

But, this is about the only situation I'd consider kids in. We've got five people in the household, which means that I am not going to be by any stretch of the imagination the primary caregiver, which would have been the case with my ex-partner. Two disabled people and kids, yeah, no. I said many years back that the only way I'd consider it was if a) I was in a poly relationship and there were multiple people available to help care for kiddo and b) I would not be the one pregnant (because of aforementioned possible death, and if I didn't, 50/50 chance of both my major medical issues being permanently worsened. Noooooope. I didn't think it was ever going to happen but, welp.

It's still not an omg must have kids thing for me though. I love my fiancee and because it is her child, I will love the little one, and likely participate a fair amount in childcare. If she didn't want kids, though, that'd be fine too. I don't have a strong preference one way or the other, I guess... just as long as it's not ME being pregnant.

Re: Marriage question

[kallanda_lee]

The bf and I have sort of shit cards in that sense since he's the firstborn son - and I'm the 3rd in line of only daughters on my mother's side, and effectively the only one who could have passed on the family name on my father's side.

I'm the last leaf on an already dying tree, so to speak.

My bf's only sibling who wishes to have kids converted to Islam and married a into the faith, so that's a little family drama all of itself, and he's got two other siblings who do not want kids, then two more half-siblings who are too young to know really.

We're also both in the "gifted" spectrum so everyone's like "omg you must have baybieees to many stupid people reproducing already".

Basically everyone wants us to breed except us.

I'm not sure I could have a child in the household, eve if it wasn't mine. I'm not even sure I could handle 4 adults. I've handled 4 at some point - it depends on the size of the house, I guess. I need a lot of me time.