[ SECRET POST #3282 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3282 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 018 secrets from Secret Submission Post #469.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

tw suicide

[(Anonymous)]

Super late and probably, hopefully, no one'll read this. I just need to ramble and shit and get words out of my head. And I can't talk to anyone ever, so I talk to FS.

IDK don't mind me.

Re: tw suicide

[(Anonymous)]

I don't understand why it's a bad thing if I kill myself. I've heard all the arguments, that I have so much to live for and people would miss me, and all that, but I genuinely think that the world would be a better place without me in it. Not the world on a grand scale, because that's super egotistical, to think I have any impact globally. But my corner of the world. The people who are burdened by me. I am the textbook socially awkward loser living in my parents' basement, and they're okay with me mooching off of them, but I am consumed with so much guilt every waking moment. Literally, it keeps me awake at night. I'm not good for anything. And I don't understand why I have to keep going on. I'm miserable. I'm sure they'd miss me, but I feel like after a while, they'd realize they have, like, money. That's not being spent to keep dead weight afloat.

I miss being happy or excited about anything. All I have is fear and guilt and worry. Why do I have to go on like this? It's like... I have pets. And basically I wish they would die already so I wouldn't have that obligation. So then I could go. But they're here, and I have to be here. I wonder if it's like that for my family. Just have to keep me alive. I'm amusing to have around, but god the care and maintenance....

I hate that I was born. That's like my biggest regret. And if I could undo that, I would.

Re: tw suicide

[(Anonymous)]

Hey, I totally get how you feel. I was having this conversation with a friend about this the other day. It's a really awful feeling to have. I know you already know the song and dance of reaching out/therapy/medication/etc, so I'll skip that. sometimes it's just nice to vent and know you're not alone in how you're feeling. I'm sorry we're in this boat, Anon. <3

Re: tw suicide

[feotakahari]

I'm talking from a point of complete and total ignorance here, but if someone killed themselves for your benefit, would you ever reach a point where you were happier having them dead? I can't speak for your parents, but I don't think I'd ever fully recover from someone killing themselves for my benefit. I'd probably punish myself for the rest of my life.

Re: tw suicide

[(Anonymous)]

You sound very depressed, and right now, you're not in a good position to make solid judgment calls like this. In other words, your "I should just kill myself" argument only sounds logical because you're not well. Isn't there anyone you love? Would money take their place if they suddenly died one day?

You could be my brother, who also suffers from depression. Seriously, he could've typed every single word, except that we don't have a basement. I can tell you without hesitation that NO amount of money would make up for his death and that however big of a burden he feels in life, in death, the burden would be even greater.

Re: tw suicide

[(Anonymous)]

Something that helps me fight that constant voice saying everyone would be better off without me (I'm one of those despicable disabled drains on society) was finding something I'm passionate about doing.

It took me a while, but for me, writing is a big one. Only I can tell the stories I write. They picked me for a reason. If I killed myself, those stories would die with me. Who knows if they'd ever find another home?

It can be something as small as that. You may not want to live, but giving yourself a purpose can be helpful, even if you think it's silly. Overtime, it may become important.

Re: tw suicide

[(Anonymous)]

Wow this is me exactly, and that helped me immensely.

There was a time I liked my characters more than myself, and eventually when I realized that my characters were parts of myself, it gave reasons to like myself.