[ SECRET POST #3287 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3287 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 055 secrets from Secret Submission Post #470.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[otakugal15]

Ok, what is with the F!S anons and their constant thing about dropping people? One things seems problematic? Dump him/her, regardless of friendship, relationship, and the fact that not every bit of detail and context has been given.

Sheesh

[(Anonymous)]

IA with you.

Also on the context thing, I've learned on the internet be wary of things said without context. Especially because I've known people who would go and tell friends and strangers how unreasonable, immature or oversensitive someone is being while those of us who knew the context knew it was completely different.

I mean for all we know maybe OP just isn't that good at giving an honest opinion without being too scathing or harsh about it. And it's just easier for them to say "oh wow my friend is just really sensitive and I can't tell them my opinion without them getting upset"

[(Anonymous)]

I mean for all we know maybe OP just isn't that good at giving an honest opinion without being too scathing or harsh about it. And it's just easier for them to say "oh wow my friend is just really sensitive and I can't tell them my opinion without them getting upset"

If that's the case, then OP's friend deserves a better friend than OP.

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe because RL is stressful enough that people shouldn't have to worry about this kind of shit during internet playtime.

[(Anonymous)]

I had a friend with a sorta Sueish OC who was very defensive about them. I never did tell that friend what I really thought. Asked me to be their beta and I told them I might not be the best fit.

They eventually found someone else, moved on grew up a bit and moved to another fandom.

Did I get frustrated about it? Sure. But I dunno if I'd call it "stress".

It seems to me like OP's stress can be avoided in a way that doesn't require parting ways with her friend.

[(Anonymous)]

And I'm not seeing anybody say "omg drop this person right now." Only that "hey, this could be a sign of other problems, you might wanna take another look at your friendship with this person." Why is that so unreasonable?

[(Anonymous)]

Because people in internet fandom tend to toss away friendships for really really stupid reasons like "we don't ship the same thing", "I hate her taste in fanfic" or "she's just not a good writer".

[(Anonymous)]

So what?

Nobody is required to stay friends with anybody, for any reason. It's better people part ways than keep up an idiotic charade of being friends with someone they don't like, just to appear less shallow than they really are.

[(Anonymous)]

It's an internet thing. You see the same thing on relationship advice forums.

I think it's probably because, online, you can only ever get a curated version of anything, and you're never really invested in the RL relationships of other people. So you can be harsh and go overboard in supporting and propping up OP.

[(Anonymous)]

I think it's also because it's so much easier to cut people off online than it is RL, people tend to be all "why do you need that bullshit it in your life when you have a block/ignore feature?"

[(Anonymous)]

I dunno, I think that if anything people are more inclined to hold onto relationships (both romantic and platonic) far longer than is warranted because they're reluctant to admit when something isn't working, or because it's sort of ingrained that they're failures if they don't. If you read advice columns... doesn't matter which ones, tbh... you'll see lots of people who should've dumped their partner or who are putting up with too much BS from a "friend".

[(Anonymous)]

+1. Fandom also tends to attract people who are toxic as fuck, who will try their damnedest to convince you that you're the unreasonable or even abusive one because you don't happen to like being treated like shit, and finally found the strength to walk away.

[otakugal15]

I don't make those jumps because unless someone literally spills details about shit that has been happening for years and years and years, we usually only get a small part. So, I don't immediately trigger jump to "dump them."

[lady_dragoon]

I tend to assume there's always more going on than what we get in a secret, and that making the secret is an indication the OP is at their wits' end and they don't feel comfortable saying this to the other person's face. At that point? Yeah, that friendship is no longer worth it if you don't feel you can be honest with each other.