[ SECRET POST #3303 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3303 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 040 secrets from Secret Submission Post #472.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

TW:Suicide

[(Anonymous)]

Next comment. I know I'm spectacularly late but my time zone is what it is and I just need to ramble for a bit.

Re: TW:Suicide

[(Anonymous)]

I'm getting closer and closer to doing it. I usually try to remind myself of the things I'll miss if I'm gone: my thirteen year anniversary, finally getting my third book published, some new games and game events that are happening this year, and in the far off future finally being financially stable and getting a diagnosis for my physical illness.

But it all seems so paltry. Increasingly so compared to all the shit I have to cope with every single day. I wake up in pain, I'm increasingly unable to do things, my work is suffering more and more which makes me increasingly poorer and poorer, I'm constantly getting panic attacks, and I'm sick of everything being hard every second of every day. I just don't want to keep suffering.

Re: TW:Suicide

[kallanda_lee]

I understand you, I really do. But do keep in mind, even with physical illness (often especially so) there can also be depression at play. And depression can cloud your judgement.

About 3 weeks ago, it was a dreary day, I had a fight with my boyfriend, I was sad because I knew I was going to take a dead-end job just for the cash, I was upset I have accomplished so little with my life...and I just knew with striking clarity that I wanted to die.

Now, 3 weeks on, I'm pissed off about a lot of things, and I know my thoughts are still not always my own (I get erratic and irrational because I'm in panic), but, that deep sinking feeling of infinite sadness and wanting death is no longer here.

What I'm trying to say is: don't do anything rash. It sounds like you do have people:things to live for. 13th anniversary! Publishing a third book even. Those are great things, great accomplishments - you sound kickass, you really do.

Now I don't know your life or the parts that are especially hard. But I think if you can get to that point where you're financially stable/ get a diagnosis you will have some breathing room, which will allow you to evaluate more objectively.

I guess my point is with suffering: it always seems like it will last forever, because it affects so much of your body and soul, that it's hard to imagine a point where you're not suffering...but that point can exist. Sometimes it's just around the corner, sometimes it's a bit further away, but...hang in there?

Re: TW:Suicide

[raspberryrain]

You're now going to have to prioritise dealing with your physical illness. I know it's hard. Is sounds like you've been in the habit of pushing past it and not dealing with it. But that's what the pain is telling you.