[ SECRET POST #3314 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3314 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 072 secrets from Secret Submission Post #474.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: vent vent vent

[(Anonymous)]

I'll grant you, that did not go well. But you're not a bad person and neither is your girlfriend, it's just that neither of you seem to know how to handle situations like this. What you need to do is talk about it calmly and kindly, at a time when you're NOT having a panic attack.

* Does she know what a panic attack is and how it feels? If not, tell her what you're feeling and what's going through your head when you're having one.

* Apologize and stress that it wasn't her fault, you snapped because you were panicking, and you will work to see that it doesn't happen again.

* Does she want to help you? I'm assuming she does and simply doesn't know what to do or what to say. It's very common, and no big deal. That's what this discussion is about.

* The two of you work out a plan of what to do for your next panic attack. You need to signal her that you're having one. If "I'm having a panic attack" is not something you can say, come up with a code word. For example, if you say, "The celery stalks at midnight" or just "celery", that's her clue that you're having a panic attack.

* Be very, very clear about what you'd like her to do or say when you're having a panic attack. Explain that when people clam up, it makes you feel worse.

* Recognize that while she might want to help you, it's hard to carry on a conversation all by yourself while your boyfriend is freaking out on skype. My suggestion? You should both choose a book you both like, an old favorite perhaps. Maybe something you loved as a child and still love. When you signal that you're having a panic attack, that's her cue to crack open the book and start reading. That way, you get the reassurance of her voice, the comfort of that story, and she doesn't have to rack her brain for what to say.

* Also come up with a code word for when the panic attack is over, or just tell her outright. Be sure to thank her for her help and tell you that you love her.


This is true for every relationship you have: COMMUNICATION IS KEY. If you want/need something, you have to ask for it, politely. No guessing games, no suffering in silence and hoping she reads your mind. The same is true, vice versa. She has the right to say yes or no, but you need to use your words and tell her what you need.

Re: vent vent vent

[(Anonymous)]

well
-she knows what panic attacks are and can tell when I'm having them (as said above, its very obvious, I hit myself)
-i did apologize but she's still upset (i mean she's asleep now but she was upset with me the whole rest of the call) and I still feel like a bad person I probably am one
-I've told her before that that people being quiet makes it worse but she never knows what to say
- i might bring the book idea up to her
-nitpick (you had no way of knowing) I'm her girlfriend not her boyfriend