fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3325 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3325 ⌋

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And I'll say right up front that these incidents will probably make me look absurdly sheltered, to be bothered by them.

There was the guy who insisted on walking me home from the store (would not take no for an answer) and hit on me the entire time. I should have just abandoned my groceries and run like fuck, and believe me, I'm still asking myself why I didn't. The worst was having him know where I live. (I've moved since then.) He didn't bother me again, but it was like the definition of creepy. (This might actually have been the year before, it's scary how they're all starting to blend together.)

Then there was the scruffy guy in the van who had apparently decided that he was the Guardian of the Carts, and chased me around the parking lot (in his van, which was seriously scary) screaming "That cart does not belong to you! THAT CART DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU!! Take it back to the store RIGHT NOW or I'm calling the cops! THIEF! THIEF!" (For the record, I wasn't taking the cart off store property at all.) I'm pretty sure he would never have said Boo to a group of people, or a man, but he saw a woman alone and thought this was someone he could harass and feel big and righteous.

Two fairly minor incidents, but they shook me up to a disproportionate degree, and I can't stop thinking about them--it's like when you throw up in your mouth and you drink some water, you brush your teeth, you have some juice...but you still can't get rid of the taste. My mom would probably be happy to say she told me so! but finally something made me wonder whether I'm an idiot to go out after, maybe, midnight.

First guy sounds creepy. If that happened to me I'd probably go back into the store and ask management to make the guy leave me alone if he followed me in.

Second guy sounds mentally ill more than anything else.

You may be right about guy 2's mental status; on the other hand, as I said, I think he was just sensible enough that he wouldn't have pulled that stunt on a man.

I would have my doubts: if it were a younger man, a smaller older man he thought he could scare, or child or teen of either gender, I bet he would have. That's the bully mentality. I get the feeling he would have fled from a very tall or big woman too.

Thank you, these are good points--that not only women are vulnerable. Ugh, I just need to stop stewing about this!

I think both those incidents are so unique and rare that they shouldn't stop you from doing what you want. It sounds like you've been thinking about how you might have gotten yourself out of a dangerous situation if either had escalated, so you'll be prepared for the next weird thing that happens.

And weird, non-dangerous people are everywhere.

Good point: "weird" does not automatically mean "dangerous." It's embarrassing to have to be reminded of that.

The first one sounds potentially creepy and worthy of taking steps to separate yourself from him. The second just sounds weird and probably something you should chalk up to a mental health issue or intoxication.

The thing is, I've had people get creepy or wreird like that on me in broad daylight, in front of other people, in places you'd expect to be fairly safe, like family restaurants. So, giving yourself a curfew does not automatically protect you from creepy and weird people.

Do what you feel you have to. You don't have to go out at night to prove a point or anything, but I wouldn't consider these incidents as signs of serious danger when out after 8 in your neighborhood.

I'm really glad that I posted this story, because I've been stewing about it to a ridiculous extent, and you and other posters have helped me put it in perspective.

Thank you!

The first guy seems to belong to a group of (mostly) men that think it's their duty and right to police "free" women in public spaces. It's a kind of archaic herd instinct and when it goes unchecked in a guy it can lead to all kinds of unpleasant stuff. I would avoid that particular guy like the plague and consider taking legal steps if he does it again.

It is however very, very important that you don't let him police you and make you stay at home: it will make him feel justified. If he is allowed to keep taking control over random women just because they move around outside, he might not stop at the doorstep the next time. He "owns" you now in his own eyes - and because he feel he is a "gentleman" he's not adding you to his personal harem right away, not because you deserve respect as an independent human being.

It is harsh and shitty, but when you know about this mindset, you will be better suited to take steps to keep your integrity around those guys. Happily they are dying out, albeit slowly.

The other guy just sounds confused. Keep out of his way so he doesn't hit you over the head for touching his carts (but he doesn't do it from some unconscious political agenda). Try asking the store manager or mall police for help, I'm sure they're used to dealing with him.

I have personally had more harassment during daylight than at night. So, I am far, far, far more comfortable walking alone at night, because I have never gotten any crap.

For the first incident, I probably would have taken out my cell and threatened to call 911 if he didn't leave me alone. Whether I would have actually called is questionable, but usually, taking out the cell is enough to get people to drop and run.

The second sounds like someone who is mentally ill or otherwise incompensated. I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[ SECRET POST #3325 ]

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