fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3351 ]

[ SECRET POST #3351 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3351 ⌋

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What? I'm American and how does your logic work at the second statement? I'd actually feel offended if someone trampled around in my house wearing their shoes. Your bare feet are much cleaner than your shoes.

It's presumptuous. Unless I know the homeowner well enough to know that they are comfortable with me taking off my shoes, or they expressly state that I should take them off, the shoes stay on out of respect for their personal space.

I wipe my feet at the door. I don't track dirt into people's homes on my shoes. Again, respect.

I feel the opposite. It's presumptuous and insensitive to just walk into someone's house with shoes. At least offer to take them off and let them make the call.

I have arch problems and it really hurts to walk around without support. So rather than explain all this on their doorstep, I leave my shoes on.

You can't say "I'm sorry but is it okay if I leave my shoes on? I have arch problems and it hurts to walk barefoot"? If you started walking into my house with your shoes on, I'd be pretty appalled and immediately ask you to take them off by the door, especially if you didn't offer an explanation.

...does it hurt you to have to say how you want guests to behave in your house, or smth? Why should they anticipate your wants?

DA but no, seriously, if you're a guest and I'm the host we have a mutual responsibility to set the rules. as you are entering my set of rules it is common decency to inquire about them. What's so hard about "would you mind if I left my shoes on? I can't be barefoot"? If someone I don't intimately know comes to my house I am not required to read them the guest agreement. If I want to, I can tell you to "please take off your shoes here", but if I don't you may and SHOULD ask, especially if you see me not wearing shoes and shoes standing by the door.

I kind of agree with this though I don't feel super strongly about it. Taking off your shoes DOES make it feel like you're more intimate with a space, but at the same time if my shoes were filthy it'd be worse to leave them on.

Basically though when I go into someone's house I usually ask. People have different preferences for their houses. And there's a difference between going into someone's kitchen for five minutes, and going to a carpeted area to spend a bunch of time.

Wandering around in bare or stocking feet uprompted seems rude to many because it's casually presumptuous, almost akin to taking food from the fridge without asking. Like, there's making yourself comfortable and then there's settling in like you live there.

What? How is that the case, but not trampling over someone's flooring and carpet with your gross shoes?

I think what you need to understand is that many people don't think shoes that aren't leaving visible debris in their wake are gross. That's a you issue, not a uniform issue.

Just like it's a you issue, not a uniform "casual presumptuous" issue that taking your shoes off at the door at wearing socks/going barefoot isn't gross.

You'll notice, I prefaced my statements with "many people." I never claimed uniformity anywhere, unlike you, who just says "this is gross, end of story." Which leads me to believe you don't actually want to know why people do things differently from you, you just want us all to agree with you. Which is also a you problem.

It is gross, end of story. Between wearing socks/being barefoot in the house, and wearing shoes, one of those things objectively involves spreading more dirt and germs than the other. This is not a matter of opinion.

Ok then. You go on believing you speak for everyone. It's a nice delusion, if you're into fooling yourself.

I ask "Should I take my shoes off?" if I think it would be a good idea and I have not been given instructions to do so already. I once had a rather long distance conversation with an old lady who sat on her sofa while I stood in her doorway in my muddy boots because no way was I tracking mud on her carpet but she kept saying no, I didn't need to take my boots off.

I always take my shoes off at home, at my parents' house, my brother's appartment, and my close friends' places.

It's situationally dependant and complex. How do I know you and why am I at your place? How am I dressed? Have I been here before? I wouldn't expect to take my shoes off when arriving for a formal dinner party, but it may be expected at an informal get-together. Is there carpet or rugs? I have no carpet and my rugs are positioned out of traffic lanes, so I don't actually care if people track anything in because I can just clean it up. When my parents had work done on their house, rugs were rolled out of the way and temporary floor coverings were taped down so the workmen could keep their boots on without worry the floors might get scuffed. If you are shopping for a house, it's pretty typical to take your shoes off when going to an open house or a viwing, even though the owners are strangers and aren't home.

I agree. If I'm at someone's house where I don't know the people well, I always ask if they want my shoes off or on. I was babysitting yesterday and the mom said nothing about taking my shoes off, so I left them on the whole time. Conversely, if I'm at my family friends' houses, my shoes, socks, and purse come flying off!

Note: I'm on the autistic spectrum, so I'm still trying to work this out. I don't tend to invite people over unless they're people I trust. Which means, by all means, take off shoes (preferable, unless there's a medical reason like one of the anons mentioned; I have the opposite problem with my arch issues, in that they're aggravated by shoes), help yourself to whatever's in the fridge, just check if there's only a small amount of something left, help yourself to soda, etc. Oh, and here's the wifi password.

I'm still trying to think of things I need to add. Because I want people I care about to feel like they're in a safe environment and not needing to be on "guest" behavior levels. For at least two friends, my home is the "get away from the batshit" safe place.

I can see how, with strict "guest" etiquette, it could be considered presumptuous but that's why I'm trying to figure out what else to add to the list to signal, "You don't have to do that here", or if I'm already saying enough.

I guess my criticism is... they do realize that slippers with arch support exist, right? So your feet are comfy without needing to dirty someone else's floors.

That's true, and it would work for things that are planned. I didn't know they existed, though, so thank you. But it doesn't really help in more spontaneous situations, because... well, I realistically imagine any significant number of people carrying slippers at all times.

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[ SECRET POST #3351 ]

Re: Do Americans really not take off their shoes in the house?

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Re: Do Americans really not take off their shoes in the house?

Re: Do Americans really not take off their shoes in the house?

Re: Do Americans really not take off their shoes in the house?

Re: Do Americans really not take off their shoes in the house?

Re: Do Americans really not take off their shoes in the house?

Re: Do Americans really not take off their shoes in the house?

Re: Do Americans really not take off their shoes in the house?

Re: Do Americans really not take off their shoes in the house?

Re: Do Americans really not take off their shoes in the house?

Re: Do Americans really not take off their shoes in the house?

Re: Do Americans really not take off their shoes in the house?

Re: Do Americans really not take off their shoes in the house?