fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3376 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3376 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Legolas/Gimli, Lord of the Rings]

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09. [SPOILERS for Life is Strange]

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10. [SPOILERS for Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children]

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11. [SPOILERS for Daredevil]

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12. [SPOILERS for Daredevil]

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13. [WARNING for dub-con, nsfw, possibly underage?]

["Pawn to Queen", Harry Potter]

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14. [WARNING for assault/violence/etc, rape discussion is probable in comments]

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15. [WARNING for rape]

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16. [WARNING for child abuse]

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17. [WARNING for a whole bunch of things? everything? supposedly]

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18. [WARNING for suicide - or well sort of the opposite but just in case]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #482.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 (nsfw, gif, gay porn) ??? - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

legit question.

there's this person in an rp community that's went off on a friend and became extremly hostile to me in the process. and i just can't stop bitching about her. i'd say about every third day i'll remember to make a dig at her in conversation with someone else, or tell someone who doesn't know yet the story. i also keep checking on what her char is doing even though i know it will only annoy me (though that's at least somewhat understandable because her char has distantly to do with mine. idk)

so. how do i stop? i'm didn't even bear the worst of her stupid behaviour but i get so mad on my friend's behalf.

private conversations mind, i'm not openly provoking her. idk if that was clear.

It's hard to try to stop hating someone. I still struggle with it. What I've tried is to try to move on and try my best not to think about the person I hate. In fandom, it's a lot harder. The only real way I was able to get over people I hate in fandoms is leave the fandom, unfortunately. I hope someone else has better advice.

Distract yourself?

I wish I knew how to stop. There are people I cut off years ago because they were shitty, and I still hate them with a passion.

has the person apologised for their behaviour?

this is what i usually do:

i have a locked tumblr, where i write down everything that makes me mad, sad and all the other negative feelings. i put it under a read more so i dont have to read them again.

i also sometimes vent to my sibling about it. if you don't have a sibling, maybe talk to your irl friends about it?

i exercise while thinking about it.

ive never done these but

- ive heard people record their rants and once they get over it, they delete the audio.
- there's also writing it down (or typing it up and then printing it) then ripping the paper

i really like these ideas, i'll try them out. i have vented to an irl friend a lot, idk why i keep looking for validation.

but i really like the diary tumblr idea, not just for that situation. thanks for the tip!

Remember she is human, and that two wrongs don't make a right.

I know the need to blow off steam, and there's nothing wrong with that. But the compulsion to tell everybody you know about what an ass this person is... that's a little concerning. In the beginning, I can see wanting to share the story, but as time goes on, you should lose that urge, and gradually lose interest in her activities.

It's great you have your friend's back, but you don't have to be a hero. A crappy thing happened, and now it's over. They were ugly to you too, but you don't have to carry that ugliness with you. Who knows why the RP jerk blew up at your friend? Maybe RP jerk was having a bad day, or maybe they really are a jerk. In either case, there's no need to monitor this person, unless you have solid proof that they're Hitler the Second and are secretly plotting to fuck over the entire RP comm and you are the comm's only hope!!!!!!!!!!1oneone (I'm assuming this is not the case)

I also wouldn't hold out for an apology, a change in their behavior, or even some kind of comeuppance. It'd be nice, sure. But it's best to just not expect it.

Back to the urge to share the story of the jerk... I'd recommend not even bringing up the incident unless another RP member starts complaining about RP jerk for a similar offense. Otherwise, you might come off as the gossipy sort, or the type to stir up trouble. If you really like this comm, then definitely don't sabotage your membership there. Besides, both you and your friend know the truth. Shouldn't that be enough?

it should be! i know you're right. i don't want to turn it into me being the weird one that can't stop obsessing over someone. thanks, i really need to remind myself of these things.

Well, you say you can't stop, but actually you can. You just don't want to, because there's something you're getting from bringing up the subject again and again. I've been there anon... sometimes it can be a little ugly thrill of knowing that somebody fucked up who wasn't you.

You stop by being more mindful of what you say to people, even in private conversation. Reread each message/e-mail before you send it and edit yourself. If you're so mad on your friend's behalf, do something nice for your friend. Bitching about this rp person isn't actually doing anything for your friend-- you're doing that for you, because it fits in with your sense of justice.

Incidentally, if your friend is over this (and assuming it was your basic internet slapfight, they ought to be), then you should be, too. Nobody benefits from you harping on the issue, and believe me, if you've noticed that you can't let it go, other people have DEFINITELY noticed. You're going to end up looking petty, and if you keep at it, sympathy will swing back in favor of the person you dislike so much.

So take a break from the community if you have to. Check your own correspondence and omit references to this person. If you meet somebody who hasn't heard the story, well, too bad. Don't repeat it to them, they're not missing out on anything amazing and you aren't performing a PSA. Refuse to romanticize what you're doing anon, which is obsessing over something who is surely not worth your time and effort, right?

well i can't say you're wrong, though i wouldn't say it's the thrill of knowing she fucked up, i just want people to validate me, i guess. like i really need to hear from as many people as possible that we're not the crazy ones, which is really stupid, of course if they're hearing my super biased account they'd be on my side.

i really appreciate you being so blunt, thank you. i am kinda good at making excuses for myself, i think.

i'll try to use the private tumblr idea nonny above posted for when i feel like ranting, i think. if i shout into a void i'm not hurting anyone. i don't know if it will help with obsessing part, i think that's probably just me having to put on my big girl panties and get over it.

imagine she's a 10 year old who's acting tough. it's hard to stay angry at such a ridiculous image.

[ SECRET POST #3376 ]

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