fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3377 ]

[ SECRET POST #3377 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3377 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 063 secrets from Secret Submission Post #483.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I have to be part of a group assignment for a class - an utter joy in itself as you can probably imagine - and there's this really difficult person I cannot stand. She has to disagree with everything anyone says just on principle, which ok, is allowed and I can deal with that.

What I cannot deal with is how she doesn't seem to have any filters at all. She OVERshares everything in her personal life. C'mon! We're doing an assignment because teachers are sadist fuckers who enjoy our pain, please don't add to my pain by sharing everything about your personal life.

How do you guys deal with oversharers who you cannot stand? My default setting with these kind of people is to avoid, avoid, avoid, but since I have to get this thing done, I have to deal with her. I just don't know how.

Avoidance is the best option. In this case, just ignore her when she talks.

tbh it sounds like she doesn't have any friends or family to talk to.
idk what to do about the oversharing. but uh is she a serious type of person? if not, maybe joke about how she seems to disagree with everything?

I know this is a basic question but I've seen so many people omit this step that I have to ask.

Have you asked her to stop?

I am a very direct person so in those sort of situations, I'll take them aside and say something along the lines of "hey, this is probably not the right place for these sort of discussions, we're all here to do X, not talk about Y." If they're getting way too personal then it's "excuse me but I'm not exactly comfortable with knowing X, Y, or Z about your personal life, could you refrain from discussing it around me?"

Like yeah I've been called names before but I do very well in group projects. I think it's important to be direct without being confrontational and to allow them to save face by not calling them out in public. Also even if they're being a jerk, don't isolate them, sometimes teachers don't like it when one person is clearly doing all the work.

Not OP: This is really good advice anon! I'm going to remember if this situation ever occurs to me.

Give her an as-obvious-as-you-can discomfited and kind of baffled side-eye expression when she does this, try to embarrass her into shutting up (if this doesn't work, it's probably because a lot of these people are impervious to embarrassment in which case you won't hurt her feelings if you politely ask her explicitly to stop.)

I tell them to stop posting their irrelevant shit on a fandom blog. Stop sharing your irrelevant shit on fandom!secrets.
HTH

"Stop talking. You're boring me. I don't want to hear it."

Works for me.

misread this as strangers who sit in your lap and was really concerned for sec what was going on in your group assignment

omg lol

Uncomfortably ignore and reassure myself this communication isn't for life.

"I'm sorry to hear that, [name]. So you guys, what do you think about [some aspect of group assignment]?"

"That sounds tough. Well, for the next part of the project we should probably [insert idea here]..."

"Hopefully you'll be able to sort that out later. [Name of other group member], I wanted to ask you about..."

Basically, acknowledge her overshare briefly but without adding much to it beyond that, then change the subject. It may not be intentional, but she's derailing the discussion. What you want is to keep it on track. That means actively looking for a place to cut in and bring it back on topic. You may have to step it up if she's persistent.

"[Name], I sympathize but since we don't have a lot of time, let's try to focus on [the project] so we can all go home."

I'd just tune her out.

That's not really enough, though. You'd still be providing an audience for her, and if that's what she wants all you'll accomplish is getting to hear more oversharing and wasting more of everyone's time instead of working on the project.

Sympathies, anon; people who are in love with the sound of their own voices are exhausting.

In slightly less formal situations, I occasionally find myself stuck with people who don't seem to draw breath when sharing their problems, making it impossible to get a conversation moving again.

In those situations I find that body language works well. Break eye contact, fold arms, cross legs, sink chin on chest, in a slowly escalating sequence. If they're not getting any kind of feedback, they usually shut up.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3377 ]

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Re: How to deal with almost strangers who dump their problems on your lap?

Re: How to deal with almost strangers who dump their problems on your lap?

Re: How to deal with almost strangers who dump their problems on your lap?

Re: How to deal with almost strangers who dump their problems on your lap?

Re: How to deal with almost strangers who dump their problems on your lap?

Re: How to deal with almost strangers who dump their problems on your lap?