fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3380 ]

[ SECRET POST #3380 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3380 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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I've got a few things to say, and I'll do separate posts about them.

Domino AyeJae aka Tyler? He's a trans guy from Texas who documented his transition on Youtube, but his last update was six years ago (three years post-op) and, there hasn't been a word since. I know he said then that there was less to talk about now that he's fully transitioned, and I'd like to hope he's okay.

There was also one video that talked about some potential cancer cells that he was going to leave be until he'd have to have a hysterectomy that insurance would pay for, and I'd hate to hope THAT went wrong.

I was 12 in the mid 90s, and I haaated being a girl. Like, it literally had me in tears. If FtM transgender was as visible and viable 20 years ago as it is today, it might have been an avenue I pursued, but since it wasn't...I hate to be one of those people who say I grew out of it...but I did a little more soul searching and realized what I really wanted was to be lean and strong and someone who commands respect like a lot of the men I respected with fashion that was pleasing to my eye. I didn't want to be boxed into stereotypical gender norms.

As I'm about to leave my early 30s behind, I'm certainly not lean or strong, but my job does grant me a bit of a leadership role that I love, and I'm generally comfortable knowing that I'm a woman, even if people keep wanting to assume I'm a lesbian, when I am not.

Generally. Those early experiences left me with an affinity for observing the trans experience, and I admit to feeling a little bit of almost jealousy over top surgeries and T effects. I guess it could be like a slight dysporia, but not enough to ever make me want to go down that road, partly because I like who I am and partly because I know I could never actually pass in a way that would make me happy (and because I know happiness has to come from within, blah blah blah).

It's all just very confusing for some reason, but I have a visceral dislike of nonbinary/agender or whatever the term du jour is for that, so I'm extremely hesitant to say those labels fit me. But lately some of those early unhappy feelings have started to come back and are supplanting the happy "I know who I am" feelings I took 15-20 years to cultivate.

There are trans people who opt not to undergo any medical treatment, is that a possibility for you?

I kind of don't see what the point would be?

DA

You can have an identity without making dramatic physical changes to your person. Trans people are still trans even when they are in their original packaging.

Yeah, that holds absolutely zero appeal to me. I would rather occasionally feel bad than do that.

I've also disliked being female at times, but it kind of comes and goes. Like I "got over" it for a while, but then it came back. I wonder if that's just normal with stuff like this, for some people? I've also had periods of depression about other things, and they come and go... it's been like this all my life, pretty much.

Maybe, and this is probably the sort of feelings those alternative labels were created for, I just hate them so much that I can't use them.

Why do you hate them? Especially if you think they'd apply to you? I'm always hesitant to say someone has some self-loathing going on, because I think that's an awfully strong, awfully loaded phrase, but you do seem unhappy with yourself in ways that don't have to be.

I guess in theory - like mentioned above - they're not bad. But in practice they mostly just seem like confirmations of gender stereotypes, and if you don't fit them, you're something else.

And I absolutely cannot abide by that. Because it took me a long time to get where I am, and part of that was realizing that there aren't set ways to be a man or a woman.

Wow, this is sort of me. Sometimes I dislike being female, and realize that in my fantasies I'm always male - and if I could choose, there's a reasonable chance I would choose to be male.
But like you, I find all those nonbinary and whatever stuff silly. I couldn't take myself seriously that way. Maybe if I looked different I'd toy with it, but there's no way I could pass for male with my build, and I'm pretty tiny, and just... I wouldn't look like the male I want to look like, if that makes sense.

Most days I'm fine with myself, though, and being female. It's not that I hate my body.

OP
Yep. This all makes absolute sense to me. Even in those moments where I contemplate what could be, I'd still be incredibly short for a man and I already think my voice is weird...what if T makes it even weirder and still not convincingly male?

It's all very much no pass, no play for me.

Yeah, see, short AND wide hips/narrow waist. I really can't imagine myself looking great.

It really makes me wonder if I thought I had a chance to look more like who I want to be, if I would toy with gender presentation or transition. But then I also think, it's not really an IMPERATIVE, for me. Would I be willing to go through all the social hassle? I don't know.
I wish I could have nice biceps, though. But as a girl, I know that even if I lift it's really hard to get definition (my mom lifts quite a bit, but you really can't tell by looking at her arms).

Basically I'm painfully jealous of Ranma. I wish I could just transform into a guy.

I really feel you on that first paragraph. It took until college and really discovering feminism that I finally was able to mentally break away from those gender stereotypes. (I was very much a tomboy who thought 'I'm not like those other girls.) And during puberty I had a lot of issues with my body changing.

But now I've very comfortable with being a woman.

For you, consider talking to more trans people, maybe one of their stories will click with you. Or try drag. Maybe getting to play the role of a man will help you figure out if it's something you'd want to pursue.

If it helps, I feel similar. I'd still opt out of breasts and periods if I could.

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[ SECRET POST #3380 ]

General Gender Thread

Has anyone heard of/from

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