[ SECRET POST #3380 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3380 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 031 secrets from Secret Submission Post #483.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

A personal vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry if this is annoying but I will put this second comment for length

Re: A personal vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

I posted on here before but I doubt anyone will remember - but basically my girlfriend and my only irl friend at the moment are roommates (with some other people), and more and more they've been fighting. I've been trying to ignore it, but today it came to ahead.

Someone accidentally let my girlfriend's cat out last night, and she is freaked out and pretty mad at all of the roommates - especially my friend, who is not always the most supportive/the best at expressing sympathy. I don't blame her, I would be upset too, but she is talking about moving out asap, and finding a temporary living situation until she gets a new place this summer (which she was already gonna do). This is something she has talked about before, when there was a break in at their place, but she had given up on that but is talking about it again and seems pretty serious

I'm trying to just be supportive and give tips about finding the cat (we are long distance so I can't physically help her unfortunately) but I am worried that they will really blow up over this - and the thing is I was going to come up and see the both of them this weekend, and even if they don't mean to, I feel like it will be awful and I will feel pressure to ~pick a side~. I don't know what to do to help or make this better.

so I am now dreading what was supposed to be a fun visit so thats nice

Re: A personal vent thread

[diet_poison]

:(

I remember your previous post.

First and foremost, I seriously hope her cat is okay!!! O.O

Second, that sounds like a big pain, but my thinking is it is probably better for them to live apart. Once they've settled into more private living spaces and have had some time apart to cool off, maybe things can start to mend?

Thirdly, if you're looking for advice - I'd suggest preceding your trip to see them with a message to both of them, preferably delivered to both at once (so like, group chat?) that you really don't want to get in the middle of their fighting. If they need time to cool off from each other you'd love to hang out with each of them individually, but you're not going to choose sides. Make sure you set this boundary and stick to it. If either of them individually asks you what you think, make sure before you answer that they are 100% okay with you being impartial and if you disagree with one of them you still love them. However, it's probably best to avoid doing that if you can. In fact, I'd suggest - even as part of this joint message - that you mention that if they want a mediator they should find someone impartial not only because it makes you uncomfortable to be stuck in the middle but because it would also be more fair that way.

Good luck!

Re: A personal vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

I mainly don't want to seem like I'm telling my girlfriend "don't talk about it" or dismissing her feelings cause like... yeah her cat is missing! I'm already feeling bad cause I can't help her in any practical way, so I don't want to feel like I'm dismissing her... But I also don't know what to do when she starts ranting about my only friend. I know my friend can be hard to get along with, really I do, but she is the only person I have to hang out with anymore.

And I worry she is being rash with this, considering in a few months she was going to be moving anyway, and idk where she will go, but I don't know if I can say anything about it.

I just really hope she finds her cat soon.

Re: A personal vent thread

[diet_poison]

I think the cat is definitely the most important concern for the immediate future. :( (If she finds it this evening please to post and update us?)

UPDATE 2

[(Anonymous)]

literally right after you posted this I was on a video call with my gf to comfort her and my friend came in with the cat! They had left food and treats out, and she found her way home and is still super scared, but safe!

I'm so relieved.

Re: UPDATE 2

[(Anonymous)]

Whew! So glad to hear the cat is safe!

Re: UPDATE 2

[diet_poison]

I'm so glad!!!

Re: A personal vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Update: I made a lost listing on her city's website for her so I hope that helps her get found, but I'm still really worried about my trip this weekend.

Re: A personal vent thread

[dahli]

Firstly, I'm so glad the cat was found (returned) and is okay!

Secondly, I think you should talk to them individually about how you feel. Telling your friend that they are being a bit insensitive concerning your girlfriend, and tell your girlfriend about how your friend is the only one you have and, if they can get along at least try to stand each other. I know maybe it's hard for the both of them, but I think this is something THEY should resolve and resolve their issues and not have you involved in the middle, because in the end that will only hurt you.