fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3389 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3389 ⌋

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Am I wrong for not wanting to engage with someone today, after being brushed off yesterday after admitting to suicidal thoughts? This person is usually very supportive, and has stood by me in the past for the same reasons. We go way back. We usually talk every day, and so she'll be expecting me to call.

But last night seemed just uncomfortable with me talking about it, she was mainly just like "don't do that" and so we said our goodbyes pretty quick. And no, I'm not someone who constantly whines and emos all over people. It's been a rough week, she knows it's been a rough week, and a whole lot of stress piled up on me at once. She always said she's cool with me venting at her when I need to.

And I just don't want to talk to her tonight, but I feel there's a chance she might think I actually did something when I didn't. And I don't want her to worry, at at the same time, I'm still hurt, and I just... want to be left alone, I guess.

Send her an email. Say you're not feeling up to talking today but are fine.

I know it might not be helpful, but sometimes people just don't know how to deal, you know? I think for people like us, the whole suicide thing in out head it more normalized, because we've contemplated it, because it's in our heads.

For people who never felt that way, it's this scary, upsetting, BIG THING they can't comprehend. And sometimes it's too heavy, too scary to contemplate, especially with someone you care about.

That doesn't mean it's not shitty towards you, but it's..complicated.

That being said, it's okay to want to be left alone...just somehow signal it to her, even if briefly?

text her saying you're fine but you want to be left alone, or call her and say you're busy or too tired to talk

also, is there any chance your friend is going through something? I know sometimes when I am having a hard time its hard for me to think of what to say to my friends who are also having a bad time.

Personally, I can usually be comfortable talking to people about pretty much anything, but suicide and self harm make me really uncomfortable. I have no idea what to say or whether or not I'm being too dramatic or too casual. And it seems like what's helpful is different for everyone.

I'm sure they'll understand if you just text them or message them and let them know you need a little time to yourself, but if the only reason you don't want to talk to them is that they didn't respond exactly how you'd hope you should probably talk to them about that.

I don't know what to advise, but this sounds stressful for both of you and I hope it all turns out okay. :(

As others said, if you don't want to talk to her, send her an e-mail and tell her you're safe.

In my experience, if she's has already dealt with your suicidal tendencies in the past, chances are she's burned out from it. This is a very serious matter and it's surely affecting her too. Of course, because she seems to be a friend from long, she will tell you it's cool to vent to her because no friend would tell someone they love who is suicidal to fuck off, because they love them and want them to be ok.

Being supportive until now doesn't mean that someone will be always ready to be supportive all the time and forever. Who knows what goes on inside her head, too?

I think she as cool as she was with venting, your previous conversation and mention of suicide was more than she bargained for, and she isn't handling it gracefully. That's regretful, but not uncommon, and that's a big reason why if you're suicidal, you really need to talk to a professional. Sympathetic friends can only take you so far.

If she's that good of a friend, be honest with her, but keep in mind the above and don't accuse. Not everyone handles situations like this well, and it's not a crime. Let her know that the reason you brought up suicidal thoughts was because you felt safe admitting it to her, but that you didn't intend to freak her out. Acknowledge that your feelings were a little hurt by what you perceived as a brush off. But first, figure out what sort of reaction were you hoping for from her? Was it a reasonable expectation? What do you want her to say in response to something like that? Then gently ask her for the specific kind of support you need, and ask if that's something she feels okay with doing for you.

This is something best done via e-mail, I think, where you have the time to think out what you say. If you're all right, assure her that you are, but tell her you need a break from the phone conversation for a bit, and you'll talk to her on X date, whatever you're comfortable with.

[ SECRET POST #3389 ]

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