[ SECRET POST #3422 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3422 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 033 secrets from Secret Submission Post #489.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[lb_lee]

Enh, I'm going to use my boyfriend as an easy example. He's mixed race and trans, and we've talked before about how he felt left out of everything--too white to be comfortable in black spaces, too black to be comfortable in white spaces. And he knew NO other trans men till he met me... only trans women. (And one nonbinary person, though neither of them had the language for it at the time.)

He felt COMPLETELY ALONE for a very long time. If he watched porn, there was NOBODY who looked at all like him, and he felt that nobody could find him desirable. (When I showed him some of my trans porn, he was FLABBERGASTED. And delighted. The IDEA that we were desirable enough to have porn about us was hugely vindicating for him.) There was nobody like him in movies, or TVs shows that he watched. Which led him to believe that people like him were such nonentities, they didn't even deserve to be extras in the movies of other people's lives.

Having a relationship with him has made me realize some of my own feelings about my own identity. I kinda presumed I would never date another trans guy--the odds just seemed too low. Having a partner who has had a similar background to me, similar experiences... it's sad, but it's also somehow gratifying? Just realizing we're not alone.

We're different in many ways--he was blue-collar poor kid, I was upper-middle class white-collar kid, before shit went south anyway--but there's still that core of shared experience there.

[(Anonymous)]

Same anon. But how would that lead him to that conclusion rather than that it was the fault of the casting directors?

[lb_lee]

Um. I'm not really sure how to respond to this, except as a sort of, if it happens once or twice, maybe you blame the casting directors. When it's a blanket thing in all media you consume--billboards, magazines, books--then people tend to come to the conclusion the problem is them.

Especially when there's huge forces like racism and transphobia in the world associated with that.

Seriously, I'm not even sure how to respond to this question, because it seems so... tangential to my experience of reality. It's weird.

[arcadiaego]

I think also you can know stuff on a logical level but still feel differently on an emotional level. Plus seeing that society doesn't care about you on that scale still sucks even if you know they're wrong.

[lb_lee]

Yes, that, exactly. I was having trouble articulating my feelings. Especially since... I dunno, it was one of those things nobody ever talked about, so it was something we weren't even aware of, so we never thought, "Stupid casting directors," because... well, it wasn't even a conscious thing! (Just like I doubt it was a conscious thing on the casting directors' part either.)

[(Anonymous)]

Same anon. That's why I have to ask these questions, because seeing people be so impacted by these things is so tangential to my experience of reality. And I say that as someone who fits several what would be considered minority groups, so it isn't a matter of not seeing something because I'm in the majority (which nobody is for everything).

[lb_lee]

Yeah, I get that. It's just obvious you and us are different people, which you know, is to be expected.

I mean, I very rarely read trans stories that ring with me, but I STILL remember with intense clarity the first time I saw a trans guy in a comic and realized that I might be trans too. Different strokes, different folks.