Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2016-05-17 06:52 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2016-05-17 06:52 pm
[ SECRET POST #3422 ]
⌈ Secret Post #3422 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
01.
__________________________________________________
02.
__________________________________________________
03.
__________________________________________________
04.
__________________________________________________
05.
__________________________________________________
06.
__________________________________________________
07.
__________________________________________________
08.
__________________________________________________
09.
Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 033 secrets from Secret Submission Post #489.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: controversial opinions thread
And my point is that it's really not your place to give strangers health advice (someone close to you that you're worried about, I get, but not random people on the internet). That's something they can discuss it with their doctor. If they identify as asexual, I guarantee you are not the first person to suggest they might have a medical issue, and one more person saying it is not going to achieve anything other than annoying them further. And I don't think anyone has ever written it off as normal. It's decidedly NOT normal, but that also doesn't mean that there's NECESSARILY anything wrong with it.
It may not be "my place" but if it gets someone concerned enough to get themselves checked out, I don't see why that's a bad thing. In the age of social media? A LOT of people first get the idea that all may not be well by listening to other people who have the same symptoms. And this goes double for when those symptoms are difficult and embarrassing to talk about, as sexuality often is.
And if you don't think anyone has ever written it off as normal, go spend an hour on the AVEN boards.
My "exact attitude" of what? That I prefer to live and let live and not concern myself with aspects of other people's lives that don't affect me?
No. Your exact overly defensive "I;M ASEXUAL, NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY BE WRONG WITH ME, THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM, DAMMIT!" attitude. I used to think like that. I used to fly off the handle every time someone even suggested there could be anything medically off. I paid for it dearly because that attitude caused me to delay treatment for years.
I have (for unrelated reasons), and all my hormone levels and thyroid function are normal.
Then you really are being overly defensive and ridiculous because none of this applies to you anyway.
Considering that you decided to go get checked out medically, and that you'd be "very, very miserable" without treatment, I'm guessing you probably had other symptoms, and I think in most cases there'd be more symptoms than JUST not being interested in sex. And again, I know sex DRIVE is often a symptom of a medical issue, but I've never heard of someone having a sex drive but no sexual ATTRACTION and that being a symptom of something. Did you have a lack of sexual ATTRACTION before getting treatment and you did afterward? I've never heard anything like that (and read and researched a ton about asexuality and sex drive).
Later on, there were other symptoms. But complete lack of attraction or desire was the first and only symptom for many, many years. Had I not been so stupidly defensive of my identity, I could've been treated years ago and nipped it in the bud instead of waiting until it got to be too debilitating to ignore.
Re: controversial opinions thread
(Anonymous) 2016-05-19 03:20 am (UTC)(link)I'm not dismissing the notion that it could be caused by a medical problem, I've said several times in my comments that I know it could be. I'm just saying that most people who identify as asexual already know that it's a possibility and that continuing to tell them doesn't achieve anything but to annoy them.
It may not be "my place" but if it gets someone concerned enough to get themselves checked out, I don't see why that's a bad thing. In the age of social media? A LOT of people first get the idea that all may not be well by listening to other people who have the same symptoms. And this goes double for when those symptoms are difficult and embarrassing to talk about, as sexuality often is.
"In the age of social media" is exactly why I'm saying you SHOULDN'T keep going around telling people they must have a medical issue. BECAUSE of social media and the internet, they've already come across the idea that maybe they have a medical issue. I've never met a single person who identifies as asexual who HASN'T done a ton of internet research before eventually deciding they were asexual. They don't need one more person suggesting it, when they've heard it so many times already. And if someone thinks sexuality is "difficult and embarrassing to talk about" I doubt they'd be openly identifying as asexual and discussing it on the internet.
I suppose someone who has issues with their sex drive but never really looked into it could happen to read what you're saying and realize they might need to get checked out. But if they identify as asexual, a word that isn't really known outside of the internet, there's a good chance they've already done a bunch of research on the topic, found out that a medical issue could be a possibility, looked into it, and realized that wasn't the case.
And if you don't think anyone has ever written it off as normal, go spend an hour on the AVEN boards.
I haven't been there in years and didn't stick around very long, so I'll take your word on it.
No. Your exact overly defensive "I;M ASEXUAL, NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY BE WRONG WITH ME, THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM, DAMMIT!" attitude. I used to think like that. I used to fly off the handle every time someone even suggested there could be anything medically off. I paid for it dearly because that attitude caused me to delay treatment for years.
I'm not saying that at all. You accused me of being deliberately obtuse before, but I really think if anyone is, it's you. I'm not saying that nothing could be wrong with someone who's asexual. I've acknowledged several times that it could be a symptom of a medical condition. I'm just saying that when it comes to other people, it shouldn't matter to you whether they're asexual because of a medical problem or not. Nowadays, everyone who's even heard of asexuality, and certainly anyone who identifies that way, has definitely heard the asexuality=medical problem correlation. And if they've heard that and they still choose not to do anything about it, it's their choice.
Then you really are being overly defensive and ridiculous because none of this applies to you anyway.
No, but I know plenty of people it does apply to, and they shouldn't have to deal with people constantly giving them shit about it. Also, just because it doesn't apply to me doesn't mean I don't still get people assuming it does, when they know nothing about me, or just flat out accuse me of lying when I tell them there's nothing medically wrong with me. Do I need to carry copies of my bloodwork around to whip out whenever people start giving me a hard time? It's just really fucking annoying and frustrating constantly hearing the same stuff over and over and over again.
Later on, there were other symptoms. But complete lack of attraction or desire was the first and only symptom for many, many years. Had I not been so stupidly defensive of my identity, I could've been treated years ago and nipped it in the bud instead of waiting until it got to be too debilitating to ignore.
Again, I'm talking about JUST attraction. You had a sex drive, right? You just weren't attracted to anyone, and that was your only symptom? And then after you were treated you suddenly started being attracted to people? Because I'm still not entirely sure we're even talking about the same thing.
And again, I'm not saying that it's impossible for asexuality to be caused by a medical issue because I've said multiple times that it can be. Just that it isn't ALWAYS. I'm talking about, whenever someone says they're asexual, not immediately assuming they have a medical issue and that that possibility has never occurred to them. Just say ok, and give them the benefit of the doubt that they've ruled out other things and they know who they are. Ten years ago I probably would've said sure, you should tell them, because it was much less known back then. But again, nowadays I don't think there's anyone who identifies as asexual who is not already aware of the fact that they could have a medical issue.
Even if it had turned out I did have a medical issue that was treated and I didn't feel asexual anymore, I wouldn't go around telling everyone else who identifies that way that they might have a medical problem just because I did, because I realize that my experience does not equal everyone else's, and it comes across as condescending, IMO.
But obviously we see things differently.
Re: controversial opinions thread
Unless they've only heard it from AVEN and Tumblr, sites that are adamant that asexuality is 100% normal and even suggesting it could be a symptom of a major medical issue is "triggering." I don't care that you think it's "not my place." If what I say helps someone out of the fucking echo chamber and into treatment for an underlying disorder, I think it's worth it. Sometimes, hearing it once isn't enough. I had to hear it a shitload of times before I finally accepted that maybe, just maybe, those people were on to something.
More to the point, suggesting someone get checked out isn't hurting anybody. If they already have? Great. If they decide not to? Up to them. But to use your argument, I don't know if they've heard that point of view before, and I'm not about to assume they have.
You had a sex drive, right? You just weren't attracted to anyone, and that was your only symptom? And then after you were treated you suddenly started being attracted to people? Because I'm still not entirely sure we're even talking about the same thing.
No, I did not. I had no sex drive, and I was not attracted to anyone. And for a while (8-10 years), that was my only symptom that I noticed. Once I started treatment after the other symptoms manifested (or really, after I noticed them), I had a sex drive again (I'd had one in my teens before my body and mind started falling apart), and I was attracted exclusively to women.
Even if it had turned out I did have a medical issue that was treated and I didn't feel asexual anymore, I wouldn't go around telling everyone else who identifies that way that they might have a medical problem just because I did, because I realize that my experience does not equal everyone else's, and it comes across as condescending, IMO.
But obviously we see things differently.
Then perhaps you need to take your own advice and shut up when the discussion doesn't concern you.
Re: controversial opinions thread
(Anonymous) 2016-05-19 04:16 am (UTC)(link)Fair enough. I was thinking of the people I know, who've done a ton of research on the subject, but if they only go on Tumblr (again, I haven't been to AVEN in years so I don't know what it's like these days, but I know what Tumblr's like) where people tell them there's definitely not anything wrong with them then I get your point.
More to the point, suggesting someone get checked out isn't hurting anybody. If they already have? Great. If they decide not to? Up to them. But to use your argument, I don't know if they've heard that point of view before, and I'm not about to assume they have.
Alright. That's entirely your right, and I shouldn't have said you shouldn't say anything. People who've heard it a bunch will probably be annoyed, but you're right, if they've only been to Tumblr then they might not have heard it, and you could help them.
No, I did not. I had no sex drive, and I was not attracted to anyone. And for a while (8-10 years), that was my only symptom that I noticed. Once I started treatment after the other symptoms manifested (or really, after I noticed them), I had a sex drive again (I'd had one in my teens before my body and mind started falling apart), and I was attracted exclusively to women.
That's an entirely different situation than I'm talking about, which is why is I kept stressing the distinction between sex drive and sexual attraction, which I guess is part of the problem with asexuality as a label, because there's no clear cut definition.
Then perhaps you need to take your own advice and shut up when the discussion doesn't concern you.
Obviously I've upset you, and I'm sorry. I'll stop now.