fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3426 ]

[ SECRET POST #3426 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3426 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Renaud (French singer)]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 048 secrets from Secret Submission Post #490.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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(deleted comment)

It's a romance fantasy. A ultra-rich, ultra-handsome, super dreamy guy or ultra-handsome, ultra-mysterious powerful vampire takes a special interest in you and plays on a number of kinks and things that are romantic in fantasy.

Most women probably wouldn't think it were romantic if just any guy did it, no. These aren't really interchangeable ideas with "some bozo off the street" vs. Edward Cullen or Christian Grey doing it.

And that BDSM characterization is perfectly fine, for a cheap sex fantasy novel.

I deleted my comment before I saw yours because I felt it didn't respond properly to the OP, but I didn't want to leave your comment stranded.

The problem is people absolutely do believe it and that's not healthy.

'The only reason he likes BDSM is because he's broken and he can be fixed' is horrible for any novel when BDSM has so little positive focus in media or fiction.

Ugh I always post before I've actually finished my thought. The problem is not that 50 Shades and Twilight exist and are enjoyed. I enjoy Twilight, it's like junk food but for books. The problem is when these things are presented as accurate or as ideas to aspire to.

I mean, I can agree with that. I totally support having conversations about what is and isn't healthy in a relationship, and what is and isn't okay, and even what BDSM should be.

I just don't think it was 50 Shade's job to be an educational manual on BDSM, and I think people have pushed responsibility and blame on a dumb erotic novel when they should realize it's just a dumb erotic novel. I can understand the frustration that 50 Shades has perhaps popularized BDSM, and in a way that actually shows unhealthy dynamics, but I think it's important to treat these kinds of books for what they are and not act like they are failed mouthpieces for any sort of agenda beyond being romantic/erotic trash novels.

It's absolutely not 50 Shades job, but when you have everyone who read it including the author treating it as if it's a great, fantastic book and what BDSM and romance both should be, then it's stepping beyond erotic trash novels and into something I am entirely uncomfortable with ignoring. Like, if everyone went 'Oh yeah, fifty shades, I loved it it was a nice trashy novel' no one would care, but unfortunately that's not what happened.

This.

Despite this alleged hypothetical claim that women who like the book treat it as a dating how-to guide, I have never seen that actually happen in real life.

I wonder why there isn't such scrutiny for people who like books/movies that contain any amount of violence.

Anyway, in the end, it's not your place to assume why someone enjoys something and I think it is ridiculously puritan to enforce your views on other people and shit on their parade.

Yeah, I have friends who like 50 Shades and they're the stereotypical audience for it, fans who stay in the mainstream as far as media goes and aren't aware of the feminist discourse about it. They know it's not supposed to be emulated in real life dating. "50 Shades of Fucked Up" is a fan nickname for it within the fan community. If someone says "I wish I had a guy like Christian Grey!" it's like saying "I wish I were a Jedi!" Like if they seriously had the chance to get either of those wishes at the expense of the life they had, they wouldn't take it. It's just a hyperbolic way of saying they like the fantasy of themselves living that life.

If someone says "I wish I had a guy like Christian Grey!" it's like saying "I wish I were a Jedi!" Like if they seriously had the chance to get either of those wishes at the expense of the life they had, they wouldn't take it.

Exactly! But it seems women always want to believe the worst of each other.

YES.

Thank you for this comment. It's not just puritanical. It's condescending as fuck. Oh gee, all those stupid women, how will they ever know what constitutes a healthy relationship if they can't figure out that cheap, silly BDSM novels aren't for real?

This reminds me of how bowling alleys in some states are required to put up signs warning that you can fall over when you're wearing bowling shoes. I've seen it argued that they shouldn't have to, because people should be smart enough to know that already. The question isn't whether people should be that smart, it's whether they are that smart, and I often get the impression the answer is no.

Well, I'd like to think that most adults understand the difference between fiction and reality. But some anons on this community can't seem to make the distinction, so you're probably right. Maybe all books and movies and TV shows should come with introductions reminding us they're not real! Do you think that would help? However are we going to protect these idiots who can't grasp the concept of make-believe? Maybe we should just constantly remind them that Bad Things Are Bad any time they show too much enthusiasm for something problematic. You know, so they don't get any funny ideas.

I've seen it. We've had a few ladies crash the local public meetups "looking for their Christian Grey". Thankfully, they've left within a few months because there are no "Christian Grey"s in our group. The guys are great, mostly down-to-earth people, and some have good jobs, but no one's a model-gorgeous multimillionaire.

Well, again, this brings us to the people I have met, face to face, not just online, telling me flat out 'It would be romantic if a strange man crept into my room and watched me while I sleep.'

Yes, it's totally puritan to want people to practice BDSM in a healthy way. I'll just be over here in my buckled shoes.

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[ SECRET POST #3426 ]

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