fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3432 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3432 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[Flaky Pastry]

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02. http://i.imgur.com/kqv1lD2.gifv
[Homestuck, gif]

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03. [SPOILERS for Fire Emblem Fates]

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04. [SPOILERS for Game of Thrones]

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05. [SPOILERS for Captain America: Civil War]

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06. [WARNING for all common triggers/general discussion of triggering material]

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07. [WARNING for rape]

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You know how sometimes you're friends with someone only because you go to school together? So, there's someone I've known for a few years. We went to the same school (elementary-college). But after high school, we talked maybe a couple of times a year. I didn't really try to keep the friendship since it was always a casual thing to me. Like, I don't know her birthday and we literally texted twice this year. Honestly, it's because we have nothing in common and I don't care if we stop speaking.

Apparently, she thinks we're best friends. I found out from my sister (our little sisters are in the same school) that she's getting married and wants me as a bridesmaid. My family insists that I do it. But it's too awkward! I didn't even know she was dating anyone! She wants to meet tomorrow to talk and I'm dreading it but I've decided to be honest.

That was really long, but anyone have any advice? Have you been in a situation where someone valued the friendship more than you or vice-versa?

Like...I get that it would be awkward but I'd still do it. As long as it isn't a super expensive thing to do, I'd be her bridesmaid.

I dunno, being a bridesmaid can get pricey depending on the wedding, not to mention the time commitment.

Sorry op, this is a super awkward situation and I have no advice for you. I've definitely been in those sorts of "uneven friendships" (from both sides haha), but never to this extent! Good luck?

I know what I'll do. Thanks for the luck though.

I just wouldn't feel comfortable with it. I definitely can't afford it either.

na

You're a better person than me (or a doormat, idk). There's no way I'd put myself through that shitshow unless I had an actual investment in the person I'm being a bridesmaid for. I was one for my best friend in the world and it still kind of sucked (lovely wedding though)

Being a bridesmaid can be quite expensive. I did it recently for someone who was a bestfriend now more childhood friend and never again. My current best friends have been advised I will be delighted to go to their wedding but there is no way I'll be a bridesmaid again.

It just brings out the bitch in people...and it's expensive.

On the plus side, going to the wedding has rekindled our friendship in a casual way. Like, casual hangouts are fun and we each have our own lives. No super dependency going on, a hopefully equal nostalgic friendship.

Edited 2016-05-28 04:41 (UTC)

If she wants you to be a bridesmaid, that's either a sign that a) she has very few other people in her life she could ask and/or b) that despite your lack of contact she values you and your friendship enough to ask.

I've been in a situation where I valued a friendship much more than the other person, and it really sucked. I hadn't realized how little they cared until they bluntly spelled it out for me, which was pretty hurtful. I haven't been in the reverse situation, at least to my knowledge.

I guess if it were me I'd probably agree to go. It might be a chance to get to know each other again, and if she likes you enough to ask you to be a bridesmaid presumably she feels you DO have something in common?

I can't think of a single thing though. We're basically opposites. She's religious and conservative, I'm atheist and liberal. She hates everything I like (video games, comics, etc) and has implied that she thinks they're for children only. Also, she will not take me seriously about being aromantic though I've mentioned many times. I dislike all of the fandom things she likes. It goes on. I've tried to find common ground but there is none.

1. tell her that you have a lot of commitments in the upcoming year and wouldn't be able to dedicate enough time to being a bridesmaid and that you have no money

or

2. straight up tell her that your friendship is dead and you have no interest in being in her wedding (this option, while effective, won't make you very popular obviously)

or

3. tell her that you're deeply in love with her fiance and that being in her wedding would be too psychologically stressful for you and also could she please give you a lock of her fiance's hair? you have some cloning experiments that you want to try (this will definitely get you out of the wedding, probably out of the friendship, and possibly into a courtroom case regarding a restraining order)

or

4. tell her that you're part of a hardcore feminist group that is violently opposed to marriage and that you can't compromise your ideals in order to participate in her wedding

or

5. Threaten to call the police because asking something that personal of someone you barely know and considering them your best friend is troubling stalker-like behavior.

ayrt

idk, I think if she were stalking OP then she would have been trying to contact her a lot more often (OP says that they've barely interacted at all lately, and that's only been done through rare texts). I think this woman is just severely misjudging how strong their friendship is. If she's a stalker, then she's been doing a pretty lousy job of it (or I guess she could have a secret shrine dedicated to OP or something and has been stalking her from a distance. I guess that's technically possible)

this

I definitely don't consider it stalker-like behavior. I think it's just that she doesn't have many other friends.

man, that is pretty awkward :/

I guess you could just take the approach of explaining you can't afford it (I think you said in the thread you can't?) and it just isn't something you can commit to.

Ouch. My guess is she doesn't have many friends, or at least very few friendships that go beyond the superficial. It sounds like you want to tell her "no thanks", so there's pretty much no way this won't be awkward. You could go for acting surprised/embarrassed and telling her that you didn't realize she felt your relationships was on that level (avoid the phrase "so close") but you don't really feel comfortable doing it and you aren't bridesmaid material. Repeat this every time she protests and make your answers shorter until it's nothing but, "I wish you and [fiance] all the best, but I can't."

Don't offer any other excuses that can be easily overcome or "fixed", such as "but I can't afford it!", because if she's persistent, she'll just try to argue her way around it. Firm "no, can't do it, sorry". Look at it this way, if she gets upset, you'll have solved your problem about maintaining this not-really-a-friendship, too.

Thanks for the advice. That's what I was thinking of doing since I don't like misleading people. I'll just be firm. It'll be awkward but it's necessary.

[ SECRET POST #3432 ]

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