[ SECRET POST #3448 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3448 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 47 secrets from Secret Submission Post #493.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: relationship vent

[(Anonymous)]

Well, to a certain extent you cannot prevent an adult from making bad decisions if they're really determined to make them. If your gf is aware that she's impulsive and makes poor choices in the heat of anger, AND she agrees that it's something she needs to work on, then that's great and you can ask her if there's anything she'd like you to do to help her. But if she refuses to admit it's a problem or she doesn't want your help, you cannot help her.

Often when people vent, they're just venting. They don't expect (and sometimes don't want) you to interrupt the cathartic process by making suggestions at a time when they're too upset to think logically. Instead of telling your gf what you think she ought to do, try sticking with sympathy. "That sucks", "that sounds rough", "I'm really sorry", etc.

But honestly, all of this is stuff you need to discuss with her. ASK her if she wants you to help with advice and suggestions when she's mad, don't assume. TELL her that while you want to support her and help her, yelling and anger make it very difficult for you to be in the same room and still feel comfortable. Stress that this isn't her fault (since she's not yelling at you), but that you don't want to have a meltdown. Try to remain calm when she's venting, and offer brief verbal support or affirmation that she's angry and upset. TELL her that you may need to take a break and leave the room, but that it doesn't mean you don't still love her-- it's just you, needing some emotional headspace so you can function better.


Both of you gotta use your words and tell one another what you need before you can come to a compromise.