[ SECRET POST #3481 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3481 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.



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02.
[person of interest]


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03.
[Red/Red 2]


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04.
[Evoland 2]


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06.


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07. [SPOILERS for Oxenfree]
[WARNING for suicide]



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08. [WARNING for real people death?]

[French politics]


















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #497.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

01. http://i.imgur.com/ZJyv7Tn.png

Transcript by OP

[fscom]

I always wanted to have many fandom friends. I used to feel very isolated. Eventually, I decided to make a big step and became more prominent in fandom. I met many wonderful people that way. I finally wasn’t alone! We had so many fun chats. We became more than „just” fandom friends. Our friendship reached past fandom alone.

Then, something happened to me. Talking became harder and harder.
I started disappearing for days. Then for weeks and months. My friends were worried. I ended up diagnosed with depression. I’ve been on medication for more than a year now. I’m in therapy and I feel like it’s helping. I apologised to my friends. They understood.

However, I never managed to come back properly. I can only talk with two people at most, in short bursts. Then it’s back to silence. Frankly,
I could just not talk to them. My feelings wouldn’t mind - it’d even be easier. But... I love those people. I don’t want to throw them aside.
I know they understand what’s going on. I want to go back! I want to go back and to have fandom fun like I used to. And yet, I can’t.

Maybe I should just make a clean cut. Stop stringing them along. Stop clinging to a false hope. But I don’t want to let them go :(

Re: Transcript by OP

[(Anonymous)]

OP, it's okay if you take your time and talk to people in small groups every once in a while. Socializing and friendships aren't contests or tests. Nobody in their right mind is going to tell you that there is some arbitrary quota you must achieve in order to be a loyal friend. Do what you can do with what you have. That what's important.

[(Anonymous)]

No, you shouldn't. You should keep working on it because you are heading in the right direction of healing. And healing takes time.

[sparrow_lately]

+1

And friends don't care that you're "stringing them along," they want you well.

[crossy_woad]

sometimes feeling like you have to find a way to communicate can be sooo difficult. it's good to let yourself off the hook. maybe a short email every few weeks if you can handle it, but don't beat yourself up if you can't. people can drift apart, then back together. if you're ready and able, i'm sure they'll be glad to hear from you. right now you need to concentrate on taking care of yourself, not pleasing or supporting others.

[(Anonymous)]

No you shouldn't make a clean cut. Because guess what? They probably don't want to let *you* go either. Take it from somebody who knows - its better to only get sporadic contact from the people you care about than it is to suddenly have nothing. They care about you too, so just do what you can, when you can. :)

[(Anonymous)]

Speaking as someone with depression who barely talks to anyone, I think worrying about "stringing along" your friends is unnecessary.

[(Anonymous)]

And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall.

[(Anonymous)]

Stop stringing them along. Stop clinging to a false hope.

That is your depression speaking, OP. Trust me, been there, done that.

Your true friends will always be there for you, especially when they understand what you're going through. Even occasional contact is better than nothing, because nothing means they will worry about you. Because they care.

And you ARE worthy of such awesome friends. Just because you can't handle boatloads of contact doesn't mean you don't deserve to have friends. Your friendship is NOT an inconvenience to them.

So tell those nasty negative thoughts to take a hike (I know, far easier said than done, even with meds and/or therapy). They're lying to you.

A very similar thing happened to me

[(Anonymous)]

It can feel very tiring talking to people when you're in recovery. I can safely say, four years on, I feel like talking to them, even in small bursts from time to time, was worth it. I still have a connection, I still have friends. I've even met a few of them in real life.

It's kinda like how you can go years without seeing a friend and then see them again and pick up like nothing happened. i think people understand. I say don't try to cut them. Sure, some may decide that the time that passes between your bursts are to long and ignore you later, but a lot of them will stick with you.

[oven_mitt]

A real friendship is about understanding each other, not about how much time you spend together. They already understand that you are having a rough time. It's okay. Don't cut them off. You're being honest about what you're trying to do, and making an effort when you can to reply to them. I'd be really happy if I had that much. For me, socializing is exhausting, too. I used to be far more excitable. Life and friendships aren't a linear path, and the shapes they take are always changing. I hope you feel better soon. Go easy on yourself, because pressuring yourself to hit that same high of constant contact can just wear you out, and it doesn't have to be that way when all of you already care about each other.

[(Anonymous)]

Only thing I'd add to all this good advice is to be clear to your friends what's going on: "Sorry guys, I'm going to be off and on for a while. I'm not ignoring you, just getting better." That's all you need to say, and I'm sure your friends will happily wait for any communication you can give.

[rivulet027]

Keep trying. Don't give up your friends. Don't give up on you either. Depression is difficult and all those negative thoughts can weigh you down.

Not all friendships are the same either. I've had those intense friendships where you talk almost every day and you feel like you're living out of each others pockets. The person I consider my best friend though, we talk every few weeks, sometimes every few months if we're busy. We always pick up back up right where we left off and I don't consider him any less a friend because we don't talk every day.

Be gentle with yourself. Do what you can, but don't give up on your friends and don't give up on yourself. Yes, it can be exhausting to communicate, but the isolation and not having someone to go to when you're having a bad day can weigh you down just as much.

[(Anonymous)]

Your story is EXACTLY mine, OP. Except instead of fandom friends, it was a fairly promising career. For a little while, I was one of the best on earth in a rather specialized niche. Then my brain fell apart. I still wonder if I could go back, but then I get scared.

[(Anonymous)]

me too...

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you for the comments, everyone. They gave me a lot of hope.