Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2008-04-06 05:53 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2008-04-06 05:53 pm
[ SECRET POST #457 ]
⌈ Secret Post #457 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 15 pages, 340 secrets from Secret Submission Post #066.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 - too big ], [ 1 - empty comment ], [ 1 - what ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
SEVENTEEN
Sabotaging the things and the people that make you happy because 'someday you might hurt somebody and that would be bad'?
Life sometimes involves you getting hurt and other people getting hurt. But it doesn't ALWAYS happen, sometimes you get a good thing and it's wonderful and you get to keep that wonderful thing all your life.
By giving up and pushing people away and just spontaneously stopping contact with people who care about you as much as you care about them YOU DO NOT AVOID PAIN, YOU GUARANTEE IT! YOU CREATE IT THROUGH YOUR OWN SELFISH BULLSHIT ACTIONS!
If you're sorry you don't talk to your friend anymore, stop whining about how things MIGHT go bad and fucking go and talk to them again! Pulling away every time you're worried that a good thing might end one day creates more pain and abandonment then there could EVER be if you seized those good things and held onto them until the bitter end (that might never come).
I have lost many friends and one too many good happy relationships, over cynical fatalistic bullshit like this.
You shouldn't get to decide that a friendship or a relationship is over just because you think something might go badly between you and another person. That's like breaking up with someone because 'they deserve better than you'.
THEY get to decide what they 'deserve' and if you fit that bill. If you want to end it because you don't like the person anymore, or because something else has gone on in your life and you need your space, fine. But 'I'm scared I'll hurt you one day' is a shitty cowardly reason to leave a fandom and/or stop talking to a person.
If there was EVER a situation in which getting over your cynical fears is recommended this is it.
If you miss that person that you stopped talking to like hell and you're SORRY that you will never talk to them again, you made the wrong choice. And it's a choice (one of the RARE few) that you can very likely go back and change, just by e-mailing that person again, or saying hello on IM's or LJ again and asking how they are.
Don't let irrational fears scare you away from the good things in your life and force you into hurting other people under the guise of 'sparing them pain'.