fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3518 ]

[ SECRET POST #3518 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3518 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Star Trek: Voyager]

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03.

[Voltron]

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04.

[Up the Women]

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05.

[Digimon Adventure 02]

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06.

[Assassin's Creed: Syndicate]

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07.

[The Sims]

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08.

[The X-Files]

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09.

[Letterkenny, Stewart/Katy]

Notes:

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Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I imagine lots of you are in a similar age range to me, or at least "life stage" range - where you're at the age when your peers are getting married and buying houses but you're still renting an apartment and have aspirations to go here and there and everywhere.

For me, I keep wanting to move - including internationally. I want to maybe continue school. I want to work in a bigger city. But at the same time, a part of me just wants to... settle down. Meet someone, get married, develop more friendships. Buy a house, accumulate nice furniture instead of crappy plastic college-type furniture. Maybe get pregnant!

Anyone at this crossroads in life? Is there anything in particular you struggle with?

Yeah I'm in that position too. To make it more complicated, I'm engaged and partner doesn't want to do any of the travelling, living elsewhere. I guess I struggle most with that.

I don't want to be telling you your business, but... marriage is hard work even when you and your partner have very similar worldviews and goals. If you don't, then I strongly recommend taking the time to work through those things before you get married. Don't wait until after.

I am at a point in my life where I desperately want to move someplace. Find some career that I may enjoy. I have a degree in Special Education but hate teaching. I like baking but am not good at it yet. Also, not sure if I could make a career out of it to support myself in a larger city.

But I don't want to get married or any of that stuff. So, it is mostly just me trying to figure out what to do with my single life.

Edited 2016-08-21 20:35 (UTC)

I really want a pet. I'm an animal-lover, but I'm also a traveler and have worked/studied abroad several times and I'd like to keep that lifestyle. If the job I'm trying to get works out, I'll be able to keep traveling and MAYBE be able to bring a pet with me... but on the other hand, that's really tough on the pet. I'm a cat person, and I'd hate to take a cat on the airplane and perhaps frequently relocate internationally, that doesn't seem fair. Plus, cats in small apartments always make me sad... A ferret would be ideal because of the smaller size, can be in a cage, can be leash-trained to go on walks, very portable... but also illegal in many cities and states and I imagine bringing them abroad is much more restricted than a cat or dog. Sigh.

Sure, I won't lie. This was a bit of an issue for me.

There's something to be said about the security and comfort involved in settling down, and the immediacy of the rewards that come with it: your family takes notice, it's socially favourable, you might even reap monetary benefits if you happen to get married and people give you things. Plus there's the pleasant fantasy that once you've settled down and found something the rest of your life will just fall into a happy routine forever. It's hard to not want that on some level, even if you're the sort of person who never intends to get married.

If you start something new or even starting over, you're going to be waiting a long time for that same sense of security. It's risky, even if it's exciting. There's the possibility of failure, and the possibility that you might even miss out on settling (if other people are to be believed).

It was important to me to strike a balance between the two before moving away so I could go off without lingering doubts or worries. I'm not sure how it would work for you, OP, but if you can manage it I'd recommend trying to find that middle ground.

I know what you're saying. I try not to compare myself to my friends and high school classmates. Everyone has their own goals and their own time line, so what's the point of comparison?

This is somewhat easier because half my friends are getting married and having kids and the other are out chasing pokemon.

No, but in my experience there are fewer people like me and more people like you in my age range (25-30) around where I live (NYC area). I'm the boring one who would be happy to move into a nice house with a few pets and a partner if one comes along and live there for decades without traveling anywhere, and generally that's regarded as weird because shouldn't I want to do more exciting adventurous things with my life and my youth?!

Not really interested. But I'm the weird one around here.

I'm settled in the sense that I am content and where (ish) I want to be in my life? I rent a nice apartment, have a good full time job, have time to write on the side, am close with my family and have one really really good friend.

I travel once a year, and while there are places I'd like to visit, it's a matter of time and money rather than being tied down, so I'm content to save up and work my way towards those vacation goals.

I am at a point in my life where I am desperately wanting to be independent but because of job situation ($11/hr) and my loan debts (18k left), I am not able to move forward at the moment. Because I am stagnant, I am trying to pay off as much as I can. I've already paid off 13k this year and want to pay off another 7-8k. I found having a goal that is high but acheivable is really helping me.

Yeah, for sure. Like, I do want to settle down. It's not that I have wanderlust or anything like that - it's not like I'd have any massive regrets. I'm pretty comfortable with my career path, don't have any need to have grand adventures, anything like that. If I never live in another country, that's fine.

The problem with settling down is that I'm becoming more and more certain that the city that I live in now (which is also where I grew up) is just not the place that I want to live the rest of my life. For some different reasons. It's a really expensive place to live and I really want to own a house at some point. I really don't like the weather - I mean, it's great weather, it's just not necessarily the weather that I feel the best about - or the physical environs, necessarily. It's a large city and I think I might be suited to somewhere a little smaller and more sedate. And the culture just feels a little alienating a lot of the time.

So I would like to move to a different area. But the problem is, one, I feel like I need to spend a few more years working on my career and resume here before I move. So I can't do it right away. And, two, I obviously have family and friends here and it'd be really tough to move away from all that, to a place that would be unfamiliar and strange. And it's really easy to see myself just staying here because it's the easiest thing even though it's not necessarily want to settle down.

So, yeah, basically, what I'm saying is, I totally get the two-sidedness you're talking about.

I wouldn't mind settling down in one place, but I'd prefer to keep renting and remain unmarried and childfree, thanks. There's no reason to see why that'd change. I am 38 currently.

Oh yeah. I just turned 30 and babies and weddings are everywhere.

My parents never really settled down, though. I have no template for it, so it's hard to imagine. I've no interest in a wedding and home ownership is as far beyond my reach as it was my parents'.

I'm getting baby hungry but it's confusing. I know too many young professional women who are trying to time babies with their careers and be responsible upper middle class parents. Whereas I'm like "maybe I can have a baby and then get a career? That's what my mom did.".

I'm at that stage in life where my friends are doing that, but I very much do not want to settle down I guess. The thing is, it's weird cause it seems like the whole world wants you to? It's not like huge pressure, but it's little things, where the world's telling you to "get in line".And I just applied for a job abroad.

I think what I struggle with, to be fair, are other people's perceptions. I feel like abe I get less opportunities to evelop myself that 20-year-olds do. And maybe missed opportunities (things that I knew too late I should have done sooner).

I do develop friendships, it's not mutually exclusive.

Part of my does worry that one day I might regret not having kids, at a point where it's waaay, waaay too late - but, I just on't see myself in that life. Frankly I feel anxious just thinking about it.

I completely get that. I AM going back to school, but I do like to think about maybe doing a semester in some other country (moneyyyyyyy but you only live once) and shit like that. But I did recently fall in love - it ended, but, I was shocked (SHOCKED) at how quickly the idea of moving in together and trying to ~make it forever~ started crossing my mind. I've never thought about that stuff before in any previous relationship.

I would love to find a partner who wants to have adventures with me...I dislike being single. But I also honestly see a lot of appeal in settling down. I don't think I want to live the suburban life though.

I'm at that point where all of my peers are either married with children or junkie burnouts or both. Sometimes it kind of bothers me, because they have completed all these Important Milestones that I completely skipped over, like kids or buying a house. But I try not to let it bother me too much because I know that logically I'm in a more comfortable and much more secure position than they are.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3518 ]

"Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"

Re: "Settle down" vs "not tied down"