fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3518 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3518 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Star Trek: Voyager]

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03.

[Voltron]

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04.

[Up the Women]

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05.

[Digimon Adventure 02]

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06.

[Assassin's Creed: Syndicate]

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07.

[The Sims]

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08.

[The X-Files]

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09.

[Letterkenny, Stewart/Katy]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 49 secrets from Secret Submission Post #503.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sorry, but I don't see it that way. Yes, it's shitty when people cut you out of their lives with no explanation and without giving you closure. But it's their life, and they get to make their own crappy choices, just as you get to make choices about your life.

The problem is that a LOT of people who get dumped are angry and frustrated about closure and not being given a good reason for why the other person doesn't want to be with them anymore. But there doesn't need to be a good reason. Nobody has to justify why they don't want to be in a relationship anymore. Your partner doesn't need your permission or blessing to not be in a relationship with you anymore. There is no "hey you can't leave this relationship without talking to me some more because I feel angry".

Do the circumstances still hurt like hell? Absolutely. Can they be emotionally scarring? Oh, my fucking god yes. But you still can't demand that someone stick around until you feel peachy about breaking up because that's just not something they owe you. It is not a reasonable expectation or demand to make of another person.

And those mitigating circumstances you're talking about? If I had a dollar for every time some abusive jerk got dumped and then acted like they had no idea why, I'd be a millionaire. I'm not saying this is true in your case or OP's case, but it's true often enough that this is why you can't make people "make it right" in a break up.

Like, I have never once said I would "demand" that someone talk to me. I even made it really clear already that I understand you cannot do that. It still fucking hurts to be treated like that and people are still allowed to be fucking upset at being treated like that.

The whole topic of this thread is "things you can't say to people but wish you could". In context it seems really clear that OP understand this and wishes they could make the other person talk but understands they can't.

Also, you are technically correct about everything you've said, but I am extremely afraid now to trust people just because of the fact that people can walk away at the drop of a hat and with no explanation, and it's kind of a shitty way to live life. It's REALLY a shitty way to treat someone. Are you free to? Sure. But if you make a commitment to another person then I'm gonna judge you at least a little bit if, with no prior warning, you wake up one day and just decide to leave. If you are unable to AT LEAST drop and explanation to the other person, then I wish you would avoid getting into committed relationships. :/ It feels like you're just leading the person on in a huge way. The fun times aren't worth the heartache.

If I had a dollar for every time some abusive jerk got dumped and then acted like they had no idea why, I'd be a millionaire.

Physical abuse is pretty clear-cut, but for emotional abuse, not everyone realizes they're being abusive. Are they entitled to an explanation when they've hurt someone? Certainly not. BUT I can't help but think the world would be a better place if at least one person would just tell them they're being abusive before they go. No guarantee it'll change anything but we'd never know if it would have helped if nobody does it.

For me, I can't imagine leaving someone with no explanation, even if it WAS abuse. Even if it was just a message saying, "hey, you're abusive to me by doing X and Y so I'm out" and then blocking them after that if necessary. But I would never ever ever ever ghost someone unless I genuinely thought leaving a parting message would result in danger to myself or people close to me.

[ SECRET POST #3518 ]

Re: Things you want to tell people but can't

Re: Things you want to tell people but can't