fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3535 ]

[ SECRET POST #3535 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3535 ⌋

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Ask your grown-up questions here! Let's help each other adult and all that. (sorry anon who hates when people use adult as a verb)

I'm a late-twenties adult and single, and accepting a new job in a new city where I'll need an apartment.

How much of my monthly paycheck should I put toward rent? I mean, what's between reasonable/totally crazy territory? The city is going to be expensive but I really want to get my own apartment, no roommate, if I can afford it. So what percentage is "safe" to have toward rent?

Traditionally it's supposed to be a third, I believe, but that's mostly been abandoned in most of the big expensive cities, including whichever of them you're moving to.

A third? boo. Maaaaybe I can manage a tiny studio, but I'm debating if that's preferable to finding a roommate when I don't know anyone in the city. I've had my share of horrible roommates.

Is there an HR/other relocation person there you can talk to? They could probably give you an idea of what the average rents are so you acn work that into your calculations.

I've been checking on "apartment finder" websites. I don't know if they represent the average cost, or if lots of cheaper apartments don't advertise on those, but it's not looking terribly good for me!

Boooo. But all the more reason to talk to someone at your new job; they should be able to help you out or can put you in touch with a landlord who would be willing to give you a good deal.

Yeah, that is a good idea. Thanks!

Apartment finder websites are mostly on the high end, rent-wise. How much is "reasonable" is totally going to depend on what city you're moving to and what your minimum standards are. You'll generally pay more if you're in a managed complex, but those can come with perks like a fitness center and an on-call maintenance crew. A lot of times, you can get a better idea of "normal" for the area by checking the rental listings in the local paper. Also, if you're completely unfamiliar with the city, you should probably try to find someone who knows their way around a bit so you don't accidentally wind up in the murder zone.

Find the average rent of your target city and add $100.

The rule of thumb is no more than a third of your rent, but make sure you're prepared for the lease signing - they typically demand first and last months and a security deposit (which can be a full month of rent) before you move in.

I think the ideal is supposed to be 1/4, but if a third isn't doable, a quarter is out of reach. What's safe really depends. Do you have student loans or other debt you're paying off? Will you be making enough that you can still afford to put an adequate amount away for retirement even if you pay more than 1/3 if your takehome pay on rent? I spend just over a third of my pay on rent, and it's honestly a little tight, despite the fact that I don't have lots of heavy expenses. I'm comfortable, but between saving for retirement and saving for a house, there's not much wiggle room, so I can't replace my shitty couch or afford to travel on vacation except to visit famiky.

If I, as a woman, wanted to keep a small supply of condoms on-hand, what would I go for? Is keeping more than one on hand size a must? Do I not bother and just leave it to the guy or expect to be making a last-minute run to the store? I've never had sex in my own apartment outside of an on-going relationship, so "Did you bring a condom?" is not a question I've ever found myself needing to ask but might have to soon.

It's useful to have some, you'll thank yourself if it comes down to it and you don't have to run out to the store because both parties assumed the other would provide. I wouldn't want to make a generalisation about whether guys tend to carry condoms or not; I'd assume they would, because they must know partners will generally want them to wear them?? but, who knows. *shrugs* My partner always brings his own, but I always take some too, just in case he forgets, or some break, or we want to do it more than once.

If you're in the UK you can get them for free from your GP, I'm not sure what Planned Parenthood or other non-UK based sexual health services offer but it's worth looking.

As for different brands etc. I would just go with the most standard kind. Buy a box, keep them on hand. Your partner might have a different type they prefer, in which case they'll probably have them already. It's always good to be taking an active role in your contraception though, whatever form it takes.

Condoms are pretty much one-size-fits-all, so I wouldn't worry about size. If you have a favorite brand, go with that. If not, just pick a good basic type - I like ones with spermicide, personally - and go with that. If the dude wants something different, he can bring his own.

I do personally believe that a sexually active woman who uses condoms should always have her own supply.

Condoms are pretty much one-size-fits-all

Not exactly. They'll "fit" all dicks, but a regular size condom won't fit a huge dick comfortably. If it's too small, it can tear more easily, too from being stretched.

Most guys are not going to have a dick big enough for it to be an issue. If it is an issue, you make a last minute run to the store or he brings his own. But in 98 out of 100 cases, it's just not going to be a problem.

Re: condom question

(Anonymous) - 2016-09-08 02:10 (UTC) - Expand

The average person is more likely to run into guys who think their dicks are too big for regular condoms and are hilariously mistaken than guys whose dicks actually ARE too big for regular condoms. I wouldn't sweat it.

I think women having condoms is a good idea, even if the man also has one. It is your sex life, and being safe is important. I don't think more than one size is necessary though. If the guy really needs a different size than your average condom I think the guy can supply his own. Just get your favorite.

always buy your own condoms! just don't buy too much in case you don't end up using them, because they have an expiring date

I don't trust guys who keep condoms in their wallets because they tend to break

stick to regular/medium size, 9 times out of 10 it will be more than adequate

DO NOT BUY flavored condoms because you'll get a yeast infection

Don't make me ask again tomorrow guys. It's that girl I'm kind of keen on's birthday next week. What's a nice casual "I think you're cool" gift I could give her?

I don't want to give her something that screams "I HAVE HOTS FOR YOU" because I'm frankly way too busy to really date someone right now so our monthly catch up works

But I don't want to neglect her birthday

Also i like being around her.

I was thinking of getting her dog a new ball and maybe vegan cupcakes for her??? I don't know enough about her superficial likes and dislikes.

Could someone give hints on broaching topics? Most of our convos are around dogs, shared community drama or animal welfare.

tbh, if someone I didn't know very well outside of a few topics/did not see regularly got me a birthday present I would be a little freaked out. I think sending a card would be great and would show you recognize it's her birthday, but an actual present would, to me, do the screaming you're trying to avoid.

Ahhhhhh! This is a good point!! 😳😳 perhaps I am being too forward!

If she really likes animals, getting something for her pets is a good idea. They're casual gifts, but at the same time you take her interests into consideration.

Just make sure it's not some noisy toy, like a ball with a bell inside. Also healthy dog snacks, like dental sticks might make a good gift.

I think the cupcakes are a nice idea as well. It's hard to go wrong with cupcakes.

Sry, I don't have tips on conversation starters, I'm pretty bad at that myself.

buy her a gift card to a pet store
or if you want to give something a little more personal and heartwarming, go with the vegan cupcakes

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[ SECRET POST #3535 ]

Grown-up questions

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condom question

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