fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3567 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3567 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I feel shitty and need to unload this. It's a long story, I'm sorry.

My dad and I just got back today from a 16-day cruise vacation in Finland and Russia. It was a great trip. but very exhausting by the end, and unfortunately, someone got the whole boat sick with a bad respiratory infection -- I got hit four days ago and am now on the "cough till you gag" phase, while my dad started feeling ill on the plane. My left ear is blocked and I can't stop coughing my guts out.

I haven't been sleeping well because of my illness and "last night" I didn't sleep more than a few minutes here and there because I was anxious about having to wake up at 3:30 to catch our flight out of Moscow. Hard day of travel, with the longest leg of our flight being 9 hours in the air, and once we landed stateside, my dad had to run to catch a two-leg connecting flight to where he lives now.

Long customs line, he's going to be late for his connecting flight, he makes trouble for us for initially failing to declare the caviar and chocolate we brought back with us (because he insists to me that it doesn't count as "food," which...it...so does count), so we have to go through extra security...tensions are high...

At this point, my dad stops to use the restroom before we have to say our goodbyes, and at that time, my brother calls my cellphone and tells me our cousin on our dad's side emailed him and told him to get the message to our dad that he needs to contact him right away. Well, our first thought was that this must mean his father -- my dad's brother -- has passed away, because he was very old and had bad health. My dad's brother and sister-in-law were going to have a big 50th wedding anniversary celebration next week, and my dad was going to fly to Italy (where they live) and be there for that (and organize and pay for all of it).

My dad comes out of the bathroom, we start scrambling to make sure that in our haste to depart in the middle of the night, we didn't pack anything that belongs to the other, and as we quickly say goodbye, I tell him about my brother's phone call. I know right away my father knows his brother has died, and I try to say, "Hey, maybe [your nephew] just needed to tell you something about the party preparations," but my dad has to run, and we can't really say goodbye properly, and he runs off, and I won't see my dad again for at least a year.

About 1/2 hour later, he calls me before boarding his next flight and tells me the news we had suspected -- his brother has died. He tries to play it off as stoically as possible, and "yeah yeah yeah"s me when I say how sorry I am, and then he hangs up.

I keep thinking I should have waited until he had finally arrived at his house he shares with his girlfriend before telling him to call his nephew. I didn't have to tell him right away, and now he's on a plane with strangers, stewing in his grief alone. I feel so terrible for him right now, and there's nothing I can do.

I'm sick, I come home to an empty apartment after my long trip and realize how small and empty my life is, and I feel so horrible for my dad who has lost his only sibling and for telling him this news when he was already unhappy and alone.

Honestly in his situation I'd want to know. I'd feel worse if I had been relaxing and happy oblivious to the news

Like, learning early is better than going "when did he die? two days ago? why didnt anyone tell me?" later

Yeah, but...wouldn't you rather get the bad news when you're at home with your girlfriend, rather than in public standing in a boarding line at an airport terminal?

Honestly? I'd want to know immediately. I'd be pissed that you waited to tell me, in fact. Family deaths are important enough that you tell ASAP. There is literally nothing going on that woulnd't trump the death of my brother except my own life actually being at risk.

AYRT

what noodly said. no, I'd hate to have thought I was spending hours whining about airports or having a drink or doing all that unimportant stuff if my brother was dead the whole time. It'd haunt me later that I was enjoying myself or feeling annoyed at such lesser things

Yeah, I think you did the right thing. You're being hard on yourself, and I think you'd be hard on yourself if you'd waited, too.

I'm really sorry that happened. And I'm sorry you got sick :( I just got back from a very short trip and spent half of it on my friend's couch with a stomach bug bluhhhhh. Now I'm trying to power through work sick xD; here's hoping you and I both feel better ASAP!

[ SECRET POST #3567 ]

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