[ SECRET POST #3701 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3701 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.



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02.
(BBC Sherlock)


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03.
[Parks and Rec]


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04.
(Shadowhunters, Malec)


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05.
[Judith Martin (Miss Manners)]


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06.
(British comedian Jayde Adams)


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07.
[Regina Mills, Once Upon a Time]











Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 28 secrets from Secret Submission Post #529.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Schadenfreude (mentions of pedophilia?)

[(Anonymous)]

While I maintain everything he said about consent and sex is HELLA wrong,the only correct point here is that the thing about pedophilia referring to prepubescents IS true. 13 is not prepubescent.

Sex with teenagers is not right and not consensual and I believe we should work to stigmatize sex with pubescent kids instead of throwing them under the label of a term that by definition refers to prepubescents.

Re: Schadenfreude (mentions of pedophilia?)

[(Anonymous)]

13 is 8th grade, for most of us in the US. For girls it usually isn't prepubescent. For boys, you've got about a 40-60 shot.

Re: Schadenfreude (mentions of pedophilia?)

[ibbity]

13 isn't sexually mature, either. Which normal, non-gross people recognize, and there is a stigma to adults trying to have sex with underage kids, whether or not it's strictly referred to as pedophilia. And honestly, you are technically correct, but the only people I ever see use the term ephebophilia (sexual attraction of adults to young teens aged 13-16) are creeps trying to justify their urges to fuck underage kids by screeching about how it tooootally isn't pedophilia. Which doesn't exactly help the term seem legitimate.

Re: Schadenfreude (mentions of pedophilia?)

[(Anonymous)]

Yes I am aware of that.

The only reason I bring it up as its because pedo gets thrown at EVERYTHING related to even remotely underage characters even if they're almost of age. People who ship things get publicly accused of pedophilia because they ship a fictional 17 year old with a fictional 20 or so year old and screeching brat suggest that they're dangerous around children in bullshit ship wars.

If people even hear the word pedo even if it's not accurate they go into a 'rage first fact check later rage'.

It's an issue because it's used to tar innocent people with the same brush as someone who wants to fuck ten year olds.

And I'm speaking as someone who HAS 13 year old relatives and would murder someone if they touched them inappropriately.

SA

[(Anonymous)]

In fact I would come in and scare off any creeper laying the moves on a 13 , 14 or older teenager.

Just because I see a difference doesn't mean I think it's okay.

Re: Schadenfreude (mentions of pedophilia?)

[(Anonymous)]

I'm pretty sure I'm reading you wrong, but are you saying that a 20 year old having sex with a 17 year old is okay? That's an adult with a high schooler. I understand your point about it not technically being pedophilia and the need to differentiate, but it's still a super creepy and inappropriate relationship.

Re: Schadenfreude (mentions of pedophilia?)

[(Anonymous)]

You can join the military at 17. Do you honestly believe that someone who's old enough to go to war is too young to decide who they want to fuck?

Re: Schadenfreude (mentions of pedophilia?)

[(Anonymous)]

This. It's not like there's some sort of magical maturity transformation you go through the moment the clock hits midnight on your 18th birthday, either. For all intents and purposes, there is no real actual difference between a 17 year old dating a 20 year old and an 18 year old dating a 20 year old.

And personally, I started college when I was 17, so if I'd dated a 20 year old it would've been a college student dating a college student. Not that weird at all.

DA

[(Anonymous)]

I think the main thing here is 17 year old fictional character. judging a person as a pedophile based on what they ship is incredibly flawed because plenty of people write about/ship things they wouldn't be okay with in real life. Do you think everyone who writes noncon approves of real life rape?


I can tell you this- I occasionally like incest ships. However when I learned about an instance of real life incest with someone i 'knew'(more or less) I was left incredibly disturbed and a bit shaken for some time after.Unless the people shipping are also hitting up actual minors and hitting on them, or straight up saying the situation is okay in real life, you can't really call them a pedophile in real life.

Re: Schadenfreude (mentions of pedophilia?)

[(Anonymous)]

Alright, once you get past age of consent, RL age gaps tend to fall into 'yellow flag' territory. There are people who, for whatever reason, want to be abusively controlling in a relationship and picking out someone younger is one method they use. It is in no way the only method, but since it is one method it's good to be cautious. All the usual earmarks of an abusive relationship tend to be present, some of the common wording is to play up how the younger party is better and more mature than their peers and the only one who is good/wise/mature/smart/whatever enough to understand them. These people almost never have peers or people they look up to, only people they can feel superior to. (Think the 40 year old who goes to YuGiOh tournaments so he can ttly p0wn the gradeschoolers and can't handle losing himself) This person, while praising the younger half for being so amazing and mature, will also always be unable to handle any sort of criticism from the younger person because "I'm older than you I know better." If/when the younger person outgrows them they tend to move on to someone else young and easily dominated.

But, just like saying 'all men are abusive' just because a significant portion of them are is crap, saying everyone who ends up with someone younger is creepy is also crap.

Some good signs to check off
Do they have peers/mentors they respect?
Have they only ever dated people younger than themselves?
Do they isolate the younger person from their friends/peer group?
Do they cultivate an us vs. them mentality about how they're so oppressed and people don't understand them?
Do they do other controlling/abusive behaviors that would be entirely unacceptable even if they were in a relationship with someone 20 years older than them?

But relationships with age gaps can be perfectly healthy, they can be unhealthy for reasons other than the gap, they can be unhealthy because yes a specific subset of predator uses this method to find victims.

AND! And and and!

Blanket condemning all of them instead of educating about the warning signs just makes it easier for predators to play up the "See? We're OPPRESSED and you're the only one who understands me and people are so intolerant I'm so glad you're not a bigot like them."