fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3713 ]

[ SECRET POST #3713 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3713 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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03. http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff23/GaelicMalice/GaelicMalice002/hjuhjuhjuhyutt6hgug87ytgffcfvf.png

Only being attracted to idealized non-real fictional portrayals of people actually feels like it's as near to asexual as makes no difference, honestly

Yeah, I know what you mean, OP.

Ironically, while I have lots of male fandom crushes, very few of them are on people I think I'd actually be compatible with IRL, and some are on people I'd be straight-up repulsed by IRL.

The general physical type is more-or-less the same (with some exceptions) but there's so much variation in personality, and personality traits I gravitate towards IRL aren't very common in fiction, anyway.

So I guess I just see them as really different categories.

Meh, if you don't feel sexual attraction to real people, you're asexual. Fixating on fictional characters is a fantasy, asexuals do have them, but when it comes to actual sexual relationships, the need just simply isn't there.

(BTW, I don't mean this in a bad way, I'm speaking as a fellow asexual who has come to terms with her asexuality and found it shockingly liberating. I still have fantasies about fictional characters, I'm capable of sexual fantasies and orgasms, but when it comes to sex with actual people of either gender, the drive just isn't there. I mean, I can do it, but it's just going through the motions, like expected behaviour you learned by heart and just do it because you're supposed to. There is no actual desire on your part, just the social pressure to conform and perform. There is no real fun in it for either me or my partners since there is no sexual connection and I can't give them what they need, but men in particular still feel slighted and get mad when I end things, because in general, they don't particularly seem care if you enjoy it, as long as their own needs are met. Somehow, I don't think that's what a relationship should be about.)

Excellent comment.

A cogent & wise comment. I'm always happy to hear about asexual people who find it liberating!

Sometimes it's a bit of a journey but I'm starting to find it liberating too. I'm not waiting for my life to start when I "find someone," and I'm actually happy that I'll probably never have to mold my life around someone else, or have sex...

What does "fandom men" mean in this context? The same 4 white dudes fandom is perpetually creaming themselves over?!?

Sure you're not sexually attracted to men IRL, that's fine, but honestly: it's your fantasy that you prefer, not the actual qualities of the guy. None of them are that great.

Hmmm. This seems unnecessarily contemptuous and impolite. Hope you're feeling better soon, anon.

haha unfortunately contempt and impoliteness is something I struggle with all the time, but I didn't think this was that bad...

+1

My thoughts exactly.

None of them are that great.

Okay, first, whether or not the fictional dudes in question are "that great" is incredibly subjective. And second, you don't even know which characters OP is talking about (except that the eleventh doctor is probably one of them).

For my money, Jim Halpert and Mr. Darcy would be pretty incredible SO's. If you try to tell me they're not that great, I'm going to tell you you're wrong, and neither of us will win because it's entirely subjective in the first place.

And okay, I don't personally feel that Sherlock, Dean Winchester, or the Doctor would make very good boyfriends. But they're smart, brave, strong, fit, important, and they often have the perfect thing to say. I really can't blame anyone for finding those qualities attractive and wishing they could get with someone who was really like that.

I obviously put my foot in my mouth here but I still don't think I'm wrong. People are pretty great. Fictional people are words on a page and an image in your mind.

The primary reason to think "fandom" man would make a better boyfriend than an IRL person is to fill in the many many gaps in his canon presentation with a *fantasy*, one in which he is amazing and in love with *you*. Which is fine, but how is that comparable to a relationship with a real person? It's not. Maybe that's asexuality, I don't know...

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2017-03-05 09:03 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2017-03-05 22:29 (UTC) - Expand

I think Cyber!Eleven is actually a pretty specific fantasy to be honest with you.

Doesn't a large majority of female fandom lust over the Doctors, especially Matt Smith and David Tenant?

What does "fandom men" mean in this context? The same 4 white dudes fandom is perpetually creaming themselves over?!?

Lollll

I have to agree with the others who said that you probably are actually asexual. I am, and still enjoy lots of different imaginary people. I also write romance...so what? We can enjoy stuff. There's a spectrum; asexual doesn't have to mean aromantic or without imaginations. It's not bad to enjoy characters, etc, without wanting any real-world dating or sex.

Honestly fictional characters don't have to ruin real people for you. If you're actually not asexual, and you meet the right person, you'll likely still fall for each other. So for now, continue to embrace the asexual label as it feels right, and if it ever changes, that's OK too!

I think people who fall in love a lot generally don't find they're turned off falling in love just because real people aren't as good as fictional. I do observe that people who fall in love a lot and want sex can find it extremely painful when they're unable to find someone, and the longing can be pretty intense.

I think it's kind of a blessing not to have such intense feelings about falling in love, that desperate urgency to find someone, why isn't there someone for me, etc. Lots of people actually get depressed, etc. Being happy where you are, enjoying your imagination, etc., I think that's actually really good when you can do that. A lot of people can't.

"ruined me for the genuine article" doesn't really mean the same thing as "I feel no attraction to real people" so I'm finding it hard to take you as seriously as other people in this thread. Please don't just call yourself asexual because you haven't found a real guy with quirks and flaws glamorized by a bittersweet orchestral theme.

This is a good point. If what OP really means is that (s)he's attracted to guys, she's just dissatisfied with them as boyfriends because they're not as great as the guys on TV, then that's definitely different, and I don't think it's right for OP to call herself asexual when she's distinctly not.

The guy must also be followed everywhere by a team of stylists and lighting technicians. Also, a wind machine.

If you straight up aren't attracted to any real life people, then it seems likely that you might actually be asexual. I mean, it could be that you just have high standards and haven't met the right person yet. If you're under twenty, I think the odds on the latter are decent. But for most sexual people, the biological imperative seems to outweigh their need to have all their standards met. By which I mean that most sexual people will choose the best option available to them, even if that option doesn't meet the abstract concept of what they ideally want.

I don't mean this to sound judgey, or like I'm saying "Oh, sexual people are so desperate they'll fuck anyone." That's not it at all. I just mean that when push comes to shove, most sexual people seem to be able to relax their standards somewhat in order to ensure their sexual needs are met. It's natural for sexual people, somewhat like picking food that's available to you, rather than going hungry because you can't procure Butter Chicken, is natural.

You sound like me, Op. So let me disagree with those anons up there, I think you're probably 2Dsexual, not asexual. Would you bang those fictional characters if they were real? I don't mean as a fantasy inside your head. Imagine you can have them in real life. Imagine an android that looks and acts just like your fictional crush (someday we will have this, I'm 100% sure Japan will deliver). Would you? If the answer is yes, you aren't asexual. It's not that you dislike the idea of having sex, you just think real men are too flawed and prefer the perfection of ficitonal character.

2Dsexual? Are you fucking kidding me???

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2017-03-05 15:11 (UTC) - Expand

If you're only sexually attracted to things which do not and can never exist, is that really all that different from being asexual? Seriously.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2017-03-05 19:59 (UTC) - Expand

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