[ SECRET POST #3767 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3767 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[HBO's Silicon Valley]


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[Princess Nightmare]


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[Little Witch Academia]


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[Broadchurch, Mark Latimer]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 12 secrets from Secret Submission Post #538.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: "After marriage, my life ended!"

[(Anonymous)]

Well I recently read "Wifework: What marriage really means for women,"
by Susan Maushart, and let me tell you...read it before you get married and go into things with your eyes open.

If a woman marries a man and ends up taking care of him, i.e. working full time but also raising the children, taking care of home, providing the food, and tending to his emotions...that marriage is likely to end in divorce. Because she is working harder than being single, and at some point, the resentment builds.

An actual equal marriage (where both share work more equally, or divide work up completely separately but in a more fair manner--i.e. one works outside the home, one tends to home and children mostly), or something that takes away the incredible burden of super-responsibility many modern women who marry and want to have it all seem to carry...it can certainly work. But a level of huge inequality will usually cause big trouble down the line.

Lest you think she's just anti-marriage, she admits (as a divorced woman who hates to admit it) that pretty much every study shows children fare better with married parents. That staying married for the children...that old fashioned idea...has some merit, and she might have worked harder to stay married if she'd known that before divorce.

It was a fascinating book, and gave me some new perspectives. I was raised in a very much "Women are helpmeet" culture, which I found pretty toxic, and from a young age, I never wanted to marry to belong to a man. (Before i realized I was ace, btw.)

And...yeah. This is from pretty much the opposite perspective, modern feminist etc, talking about how women shouldn't be the one who takes care of the man, or rather that labors should be shared more equally (emotional labors, etc), but it still came to some of the conclusions I've heard all my life from childhood about marriage and sacrifice and children. So I'm definitely still mulling this all over.

The bottom line is that someone getting married and expecting to be taken care of (consciously or unconsciously, letting the major burden on their partner's shoulders) is putting an undue burden on their spouse, and this will cause trouble in the relationship, and possibly divorce. Marriage is a partnership, whatever the details, and if one spouse always feels like the "parent" and has to take care of everything, it's going to be really hard to have a healthy and lasting marriage.

It's interesting to me to look at my parents' marriage and see things they do right, and wrong, and how they've manage to stay together for over fifty years, and still love each other, despite the frustrations. I suspect that if I did get married I'd have some better role models there than I used to think.