[ SECRET POST #3853 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3853 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 43 secrets from Secret Submission Post #551.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I will pretty much just retype what I did the last time the subject came up. A good epithet reminds the viewer of something.

Joe tilted his face up to kiss the taller man.

"You nearly killed us!" Sue yelled at the flustered pilot.

Those both, at least to me, sound more natural than -

Joe tilted his face up to kiss Bob because Bob's taller than him.

"You nearly killed us!" Sue yelled at Joe who was currently piloting the plane.

But they don't sound as awkward as -

Joe tilted his face up to kiss the cobalt eyed gunslinger because the cobalt eyed gunslinger was taller than him.

"You nearly killed us!" Sue yelled at the cobalt eyed gunslinger currently piloting the plane.

In both cases, the fact that Bob is a cobalt eyed gunslinger doesn't have anything to do with what's going on. But if it is something worth drawing attention to?

Joe took careful aim at the sniper, but because he could squeeze the trigger his target collapsed. He glanced over in exasperation and the cobalt eyed gunslinger just grinned back at him. Bob had outshot him again.

[(Anonymous)]

But why do you need to say he's a taller man at all? If he's tilting his face up to kiss him, that's obvious. And we should already know who's piloting the plane; you could have stopped at 'yelled'.

This is why editors are crucial for people who want to be taken seriously as authors.

[(Anonymous)]

NA *kisses you*

[(Anonymous)]

Why include that he tilted his head up at all? If you already know the character stats then

Joe kissed Bob.

There we go, no unneeded words at all. A whole novel length fanfiction, distilled into perfect writing. Snape kissed Harry, Sam kissed Dean, Castiel kissed Snape. Shit, that's three entire fics. Everyone else already knows how the story goes, why bother typing it out and cluttering shit up?