[ SECRET POST #3885 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3885 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 24 secrets from Secret Submission Post #555.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

This seems like a serious issue that you shouldn't blame yourself for tbh. If communication can't solve this, perhaps couple's therapy can. But it could be a deal breaker to be honest. If he can't bring himself to understand this, it's going to ruin the relationship, IMO. (Not to be a downer.) But you don't exist just to be his, IDK, body pillow.

I feel bad because I know there are probably people out there who would kill for a partner that is so touchy-feely and cuddly but some days I just can't handle it and want to be by myself. I feel like a shitty girlfriend right now.


How about they take him, then? You don't owe him to be a "perfect girlfriend" if he's not the right guy for you, and can't understand or accept your boundaries and keeps trying to manipulate you.

[syncing_feeling]

Yeah, it's a weird issue; I said in another comment that's he's got a sort of, maybe 'detached' way of thinking about stuff like this? He's never had any major trauma in his life and because it was 5 years ago I feel like he thinks I shouldn't still be upset over it? I called him out on it once (I was slightly drunk), basically saying that he was making light of it and brushing it off; he kept saying he does understand and that I have every right to be upset, but I just don't feel that from him right now. I don't expect him to tread on eggshells around me or treat me like I'm made of glass, but I feel like he sort of forgets about what's happened and I have to keep reminding him, idk

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly your further clarification here is just setting off so many alarm bells for me. :/

I wish you the best and hope you can figure it out. But to me sounds like a big problem...on HIS part.

You can't force someone to have empathy for your trauma. You can't force them to accept your boundaries. But people who say they get it, but don't act like they care, who say that you should just "get over it" and who "grab you and don't let go" when they KNOW you don't want that...

I mean, you CAN leave him. Please don't stay if he's fucking you up. It's not right. :( You deserve better than that.

I know, I know--I'm not a relationship expert, and maybe therapy etc can help... all the usual caveats. And I know it's also not my business what you choose to do. But I'm sorry you have to deal with this. You shouldn't have to. You DON'T have to...

[syncing_feeling]

You're really sweet, thank you. I really think he just has zero idea on how to deal with this and no frame of reference since he has no experience, so he just panics, flubs it and occasionally mispeaks and upsets me. He at least acknowledges that he's no good with stuff like this, I guess. I really hope I can open his eyes a bit in regards to understanding issues like this, at least. I know he loves me but since I've been in kind of a depressive slump (and had a run-in with the assaulter the other day) it's been on my mind a lot more and I feel like it's causing tension now.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm glad he's a good person in other ways. I'm glad you're committed to dealing with this while there's a good chance you can both work together and fix things.

Best wishes <3

[syncing_feeling]

He really is, like I still wake up and can't believe I finally ended up with someone so good. This is an issue but I'm sure we'll get through it.

Thank you. :) <3

[(Anonymous)]

This sounds even worse. You don't have to suffer personal trauma to have some fucking empathy for a loved one who has. Trust your gut. Your gut is telling you that your boyfriend isn't being understanding. He does not have your back about this, and he totally should.

In general the internet is quick to suggest DTMFA, but honestly, I think you should consider whether or not this guy is good enough for you. He isn't being a good partner to you at all, and what you're asking of him is 100% reasonable.