[ SECRET POST #3906 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3906 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 14 secrets from Secret Submission Post #559.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

First: I think a lot of the lack of explanation is just that people assume a level of familiarity with the underlying discourse, arguments, meaning, concepts, etc. And I don't think that's incorrect, as much as it can be frustrating. I don't think it's practicable to have the complete, down-to-the-bedrock conversation about the whole structure and worldview every time you want to talk about these things. And so people for the sake of convenience use shortcuts. So for instance I tend of assume that most people on fandomsecrets have at least some base-line level of familiarity with the concept of slut-shaming and the underlying reasons why someone might object to it. Maybe that's an unfair assumption to make, I don't know. But I think it's inevitable and inescapable in any conversation.

Second: I think that there are two different senses in which we are talking about a word being "bad" and it's important to keep both of them in mind. There's the concept of personal pain, and hurt, and offense. And that's important and I don't want to diminish that. But there's also the idea of the effect of words - not just in terms of personal impact, but in the way that we understand and act in the world.

So the argument would be that the use of the word "slut" entrenches certain ideas about sexual behavior and morality, and that those ideas and conceptual structures are actively harmful in a practical sense, over and above the emotional reaction that people have to the words, or to the underlying topic of sexual behavior in society.

[sadiesockmonkey]

I agree with everything you've said.

And so people for the sake of convenience use shortcuts. So for instance I tend of assume that most people on fandomsecrets have at least some base-line level of familiarity with the concept of slut-shaming and the underlying reasons why someone might object to it. Maybe that's an unfair assumption to make, I don't know. But I think it's inevitable and inescapable in any conversation.

The problem here is that for me, my shortcut was "Hey, here's a fun idea: How about we not police the way other people use language."

And as you can see, other people jumped on me because they decided to tell me what I meant when I said that instead of asking me, and engaging with me, and LISTENING to me when I explained what I meant when I said that.

That's why it's so important to me that you're taking the time to reach out about this. I get it. I get you. I just wish you got me too, in a sense?

But because this is so tiring and tends to be circular, I have to be done with it now. It's tiring me out and making me sad. I am done talking about this. I'm sorry.

[(Anonymous)]

The problem is that - and I'm sorry if this comes across as rude but there's no way around it - the specific thing that you said was an extremely bad and confusing representation of what you meant. Which is why the first response to it was me just asking "What?" The problem is that the thing you actually said (1) does not at all get across the point that you're trying to make about emotional reactions, and (2) does get across a general point about the idea of "policing language" which seems prima facie wrong.

The reality is that, in a vacuum, what you said was really confusing. The shortcut didn't come across, at all. I don't think any reasonable reader would have been able to understand what you meant by it.

I respect that you don't want to talk about this any more and I hope you have a good day.

[sadiesockmonkey]

Thank you.

For the record, your response of "What?" was not offensive to me. I understand that I confuse people. But they don't seem to understand that they're allowed to engage with me, so instead they insist on telling me what I mean/say/think.

It gets exhausting.

I hope you have a good day too, anon.

[(Anonymous)]

+1

[(Anonymous)]

Do you think your experience gives you carte blanche to practice refusal of responsibility and blatant blame-shifting? It's disgustingly manipulative.