Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2017-10-22 03:06 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2017-10-22 03:06 pm
[ SECRET POST #3945 ]
⌈ Secret Post #3945 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 47 secrets from Secret Submission Post #565.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2017-10-24 01:06 am (UTC)(link)Nowadays i feel like i can understand why did it. They're all straight guys obviously, who've watched too much porn, and simultaneously seem to be suffering from a trauma themselves because why else would they want to change themselves so much. (The 'gay trans men'/dysphoric straight girls are similar but instead of lesbian its yaoi/slash). From my experiences from talking with these dysphoric men, these men had very negative female role models in their lives, and were belittled and taught they weren't allowed to be men if they were emotional, and they especially weren't allowed to dress in feminine clothing or be feminine, they also saw 'internet feminists' (who don't seem to care about women's issues rather than just harassing men because they were disrespected by men and so it turns into a vicious circle) saying things constantly like 'cishet men are the fucking worst' and so those men think 'if I was a lesbian they would like me!' The worst thing is that it actually worked. Rather than just being encouraged to stick up for themselves as men, effeminate or not, they were encouraged to be precious trans lesbians and their dysphoria was encouraged? Tf.
(Also for the record to people reading I'm vaguely aware of the whole civil war type thing going down between bis/lesbians and don't hate bi girls, I've only ever dated them and this was before this tumblr shit flew off the rails and I've had loving long term relationships with all and don't believe dumb stereotypes. I respect them as people first. Sexuality is not something someone can control.)
Anyway I was a 'trans man' for about 3 years, and associated with the trans crowd a lot. When I'd just turned 16 i raped which contributed to my dysphoria, and when i confided in my dad he told me i was stupid, which contributed to it more, then i went to a new college (uk college so i was 16/17 when I entred) and i was harassed for being a lesbian which made it all worse. I dropped out after 6 months and spent most of my time on twitter and tumblr. Pretty much dedicating my life to people who seemed to actually like me because it was the only thing that made me happy. All the trans friends I made were really funny and we made each other laugh like hell, but had been abused also, and nearly all other trans people I spoke to had suffered abuse whether it was sexual or mental abuse, although I'm not sure if any realised it was what contributed to their own dysphoria. I know i didn't feel it myself at the time. I thought I was just exploring gender and realising something new about myself and it Just 'felt right'.
All of us/them just wanted to be accepted for who they were but they felt they had to change everything about themselves in order to be respected and treated like a human being. What really needed to happen was being taught to have confidence in oneself and being able to stick up for oneself, as well as recognising what abuse is and what is 'normal'/nurturing so a repeat of abuse doesn't happen. When someone has lived in an abusive situation for too long it becomes normal and they don't always recognise it when they experience it again. I feel like, because of this, everyone who is dysphoric, is suffering from, or has suffered from, a traumatic experience to them, even if they don't believe they have.
Regarding my situation it turned out my dad was a narcissist and this became apparent within the last year when he forced me to cry and apologise because appaently i upset his girlfriend (of 10 years) when i apparently told her the truth about one of the biggest lies he had told her, so I have cut him off. I also cut off his mum too who told me 'oh, (myname), if everyone told the truth the world wouldnt go round!'. I feel like that made me realise the situation I was in wasnt normal.. growing up he would frequently lie and break my toys and say it was me. I don't know why I didn't realise it sooner, probably because it was normal. Anyway I also cut off my old friends who were quite abusive. My best friend who is bi, and so was sort of involved with the crowd of 'queer' friends i was in, helped me through a lot mentally and was supportive, Because she had seen the way we treated each other, and it wasn't really healthy.
It's been quite some time now and I'm not dysphoric any more, and I am stronger now, physically and mentally. I'm also in training, I'm going to be a hollistic therapist (yay). I feel like this was an extreme example but it does get better if anyone has or is going thru something similar. Learning psychology does help, as it enables you to become more confident and you don't feel guilty about cutting off bad friends and stick up for yourself because you understand your own mind, and also recognise patterns in others too.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2017-10-24 03:04 am (UTC)(link)Same anon :)
(Anonymous) 2017-10-24 05:06 pm (UTC)(link)Take care of yourself as well! Have a lovely week ♡ :D