fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3953 ]

[ SECRET POST #3953 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3953 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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So I don't usually go vent to my friends, I keep quiet because I know even if people care I shouldn't weigh them down. Lots of people have it worse and, as I always tell myself to keep my emotions in check I need to just get over myself.

But I make a comment about wanting to shoot myself if I ever met myself and some people got worried. Honestly, doesn't everyone feel like that? Like to some degree? Like..maybe a few lucky people don't but... idk I feel like it's normal. I feel bad for even saying anything. Honesty can go suck it.

Yeah no. Mentally healthy people don't feel like that. Unless this is hyperbole for being annoyed with yourself but doesn't sound like it.

Well I... mean I guess. I just find myself to be an inherently annoying person. I feel a twinge of guilt for stupid shit I do when I know it's stupid but .....I imagine it's a lot more for other people. And it's just so frustrating to not be able to DO anything about it that I'm just angry at myself whenever I think of the past. I mean I guess shooting is a bit of hyperbole, it would at least be some punches or an ugly look because I'm chicken shit when it comes to conflict.

DA

Agreed. Unless your tone was very clearly joking/hyperbolic (and it doesn't sound from this post like it was meant to be), I would worry about a friend saying something like this too.

Yes we all have days when we think we're stupid, or worthless, but I have never ever thought, "Hey if I ever met myself, I'm so terrible I'd shoot myself." That is an extreme level of self hatred.

Um so. It really, really, really sounds like you have depression. Like, from personal experience, your internal monologue sounds like my internal monologue when I'm particularly depressed, and I definitely have depression. So that's the starting point. It's not a personal failing on your part - it's mostly a question of brain chemistry - but it really does sound like you have depression. Feeling like you'd shoot yourself if you met yourself - it's definitely not the way that everyone thinks. I don't like the word 'normal' but it's definitely not, like, universal.

The thing is ultimately, you deserve to be happy. Your emotions are real. It's not selfish to feel emotions, it's not selfish to have to deal with emotions. It's not selfish to take care of yourself. It's not selfish to get help from your friends. You're not a burden. You're a human being who deserves to be happy, who people care for. People are worried - and I know it feels shitty to make people worried - but the reason they're worried is because ultimately they care for you and want you to be happy. Now, sometimes depression makes it hard to express those emotions in a healthy way, but that's not the same thing at all.

Please consider therapy and please consider medication - in my experience, those are two of the most helpful things for depression. Medication is useful because depression is often a result of brain chemistry. Therapy is useful because it provides a space for you to be open and actually *say* all of these things instead of cooping them up in your mind, with someone who is trained to deal with them effectively. But please don't think this is how everyone feels. You deserve to be happy.

I see....

I would like therapy because... sometimes it does feel like too much and on those days I find some anonymous space for venting that I can shrug off.

I want to see everyone happy because I feel like if I make people happy to be around me maybe I'll feel better about myself. I want to be able to open up to people and not just.. want to cry thinking about it.

I'll look into it. I suppose I hoped being in a better place out of a stressful situation would help me not feel it as much. Thank you.

It's almost funny that I read what you said and said "I feel that way, what's so weird about it?" But the truth is that I feel that way because I have had depression for as long as I can remember. Medication helps keep the edge off. Therapy is also helpful. I really endorse what the above anon is saying.

"I want to see everyone happy because I feel like if I make people happy to be around me maybe I'll feel better about myself."

I think it's quite revealing that you've chosen an impossible goal (i.e. making everyone happy) as the key to being happy yourself.

"I want to be able to open up to people and not just.. want to cry thinking about it."

Now this? This is 100% possible and a very reachable goal. Please do investigate to see if therapy is an option for you.

As a depressed person: not normal, yes worrying

Do people feel some degree of self-loathing on some occasions? Sure. But to the point of wanting to kill themselves, even hypothetically? Nah. I get that you very much want to believe your situation is normal because possibly facing the fact that you might need a little more help than just "getting over yourself" can be scary, but... it sounds like you could use a little more help than a harsh pep talk, anon.

Feeling down and not in control of your emotions, not wanting to "burden" friends by admitting how bad you feel, struggling to just repress what you feel rather than manage it... those are all very common signs of depression. I hope you get the help you need.

Unless you've a propensity for gallows humor, that comment would worry anyone who heard it. It worries me that you honestly feel that way, anon.

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[ SECRET POST #3953 ]

My friends' all worried about me

Re: My friends' all worried about me

AYRT

Re: My friends' all worried about me

Re: My friends' all worried about me

Ayrt

nayrt

Re: Ayrt

Re: My friends' all worried about me

Re: My friends' all worried about me

Re: My friends' all worried about me