[ SECRET POST #3979 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3979 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 51 secrets from Secret Submission Post #570.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

High School Friends

[(Anonymous)]

OK, so I could go into a lot of detail here, but basically - my friend J is clearly not particularly interested in seeing my friend C, and I'm not sure what to do about it.

More details: we were all in the same social group in high school. C and I both currently live in the same place that we grew up. J is currently in another state doing grad school, so he's not around very much. He's also, in general, the kind of person who it's more or less impossible to keep in touch with. He'll show up out of the blue when he's around, and other than that, he's really hard to communicate with. As a result, in the past few years, when J and C have hung out, it's mostly been C initiating it.

Now, C has said to me that she wants to keep the friendship up, but she also feels like she shouldn't have to be the one to initiate it. Which I think is a reasonable position. At the same time, I'm pretty sure that, in the natural course of things, J is never actually going to do that. I've spoken to him about it a bit and that's very much the sense that I get. And trying to arrange to hang out together is extremely complicated, because usually if J is in town and we're hanging out, it's going to be in the company of a few other high school friends who we were particularly close with, and who for various reasons it would be very awkward to invite C to hang out with.

So I'm not really sure what to do, or if I should really do anything. Should I say something to C about the fact that, if she wants to hang out with J, she's going to have to get in touch with him? Should I just let it fade away into nothingness? I'm just really not sure how to approach it.

Sorry if this is confusing or too wordy. I don't know, really.

Re: High School Friends

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly, it sounds like you're already too involved. If I'm reading it right, this is just about the friendship between J and C, not necessarily with you as a third party? (That... sounds ruder than I mean it; I just mean that you're not strictly involved in this particular issue.) You kind of answered your own question right here:

Should I say something to C about the fact that, if she wants to hang out with J, she's going to have to get in touch with him?

That's basically the crux of it! And as much as you should feel obligated to do. Unfortunately, you may be right that J is phasing out of the friendship with C, and that'll suck for her for sure (so feel free to be supportive to her!), but it's pretty much none of your responsibility.

Re: High School Friends

[(Anonymous)]

Just tell C you think it's on her to do the heavy lifting in her friendship with J, and maybe she should talk to J about it if she doesn't like it. There isn't anymore for you to do or worry abput, here. If their friendship dies, it's not your problem, especially since it doesn't sound like you typically see them both at the same time.

Re: High School Friends

[(Anonymous)]

Focus on you and let them sort out their own shit.

If you have something on and you want to invite this person, this other person, and whoever, and none of those people happen to be friends with each other then it's still fine because they're supposed to be your friends and they can figure their own shit out.

You're their friend, not their mommy.