fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4022 ]

[ SECRET POST #4022 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4022 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The way I see it, you can love and care for a friend but you also accept (generally!) that they have their own lives, in their own way, at their own time. You make the best decisions for yourself and your life fairly independently of their life choices, though there can be a certain degree of influence.

A romantic partner is someone that you love and care for and would also be willing to integrate into your life, or alternatively, you'd be okay with radically restructuring your own future plans to put them and their wellbeing into it.

Case study: moving!

If I have a friend who is moving to like, New York, cool! That's great, I hope they have a good time there. Maybe I'm also considering moving to NY for a job and I might ask if they want to try renting a room together - we get along so it should be fun!

If I have a romantic partner who is moving to like, New York, oh boy. I'll need to start thinking about how to leave my job, and what kind of place we'll share together, and our shared finances, and how about pets, also are they okay with supporting me for a while as I look for a job? Can I support them in turn? And in the event I can't be by their side then, what about in the years to come, how long is this for -

It's not that I like or love the romantic partner MORE than the friend. I might not! It might be about equal degrees of like AND love. But romantic love is just sort of different from friend love.

Also, if we're getting into definitions, part of the reason this might be confusing to people is because 'friendship' and 'romantic partnership' describe like, how people relate to each other, but 'friendly' and 'romantically' describe how people BEHAVE at each other. So I am very friendly with my romantic partner, but I can easily (for fun and because it's nice) behave romantically with my friends.

MORE CASE STUDIES

Pets!

A conversation I'd have with a friend:

'Lol in future I want a dog'
'Oo what kind'
'Poodle I guess! Standard, but not the froofy haircut'
'I'd like a cat I think'
'Haha get a dog AND a cat'

A conversation I have literally had with a romantic partner:

'So what pets should we get'
'At least one dog/cat, NO BIRDS though'
'Yeah birds are like, eternal toddlers'
'Sob they live too long and require too much attention and i dont think we could keep up with a bird it'd be bored and sad'
'ID RATHER WE ADOPT A CHILD than get a bird, children GROW UP'

Like - one of these is clearly more intertwined. I would not plan a friend's pets out for them. I might give them advise, or tips, or put them in contact with people I know who have similar pets, but the final decision isn't up to me, it's up to them! But the pets a romantic partner and I have would be shared, so it's both of us involved.

Also, frankly I'm not sure what sex has to do with it? Like, friends have sex and stay friends, romantic partners could not have sex or live separately or away from each other and still be romantic partners. Like, if people can be friends with benefits, they can also totally be romantic partners WITHOUT benefits.

Also, frankly I'm not sure what sex has to do with it? Like, friends have sex and stay friends, romantic partners could not have sex or live separately or away from each other and still be romantic partners.

I don't think having sex is a determiner, but I think the desire to have sex is an inherent part of romantic feeling, for a lot of people.

Like, I could be not having sex with someone I felt romantically for, while still feeling romantically for them. But if I didn't want to have sex with them, for me that would be someone I didn't feel romantically for.

That's likely valid too, but what I meant is more that for a lot of people, sex with friends or finding someone sexually attractive or wanting to bang them doesn't necessarily lead to wanting to plan a life together with them or even marry or date them. So while for some people the link may certainly be there, I wouldn't say it's a given or the only way to define romance.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #4022 ]

Re: Things you straight up do not get.

Re: Things you straight up do not get.

DA

Re: DA