fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4041 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4041 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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03. https://i.imgur.com/MPdttxe.png
[It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia; linked for illustrated? nudity / OP warned for NSFW]

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10. [repeat]

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11. [SPOILER for Stranger Things, season 2]

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12. [WARNING for discussion of sexual assault]

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13. [WARNING for discussion of sexual assault]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #578.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

she let him go down on her. he wasn't chasing her around the apartment. "non-verbal cues" means fucking nothing; what was she actually doing?

"conditioning" means nothing either. use your words. i'm a woman and i've never in my life felt pressured to "be polite" if i didn't want to fuck, and yeah, not every dude i've been with was okay with a simple "no", but i held my ground and got my fucking point across while they got all pissy and stormed out like i should be begging them to stay. who cares? i don't want guys like that around in the first place, gtfo. and on the other hand, i've had guys thank me for being open and clear with them! why is that so hard?

fuck hints. fuck "non-verbal cues." fuck this disgusting infantilization of women that removes any and all responsibility for their own well-being from their own shoulders.

The funny thing is: I found most of the people who are so obsessed with the idea that women are conditioned to behave a certain way as to not hurt men's precious feelings and are supposedly constantly terrified of men and what they might do to them 24/7 are often on the side of more radical feminism which... is kind of funny because that whole idea of women being so feeble minded and weak compared to men is so immensely anti-feminist.

Agreed. I thought feminism was the idea of equality between men and women. But the way some feminists these days are painting women as helpless and feeble-minded compared to strong-willed and smart men, it reminds me of my talk with a Saudi, who insisted that guardianship over women in Saudi Arabia is for the women's own good. How am I supposed to think the Saudi's are wrong, while also believing that women are indeed incapable of acting without help and guidance from men?

They are not radical feminists. They are as liberal as they come. Tumblr may talk about smashing the patriarchy but it means nothing because a world without a patriarchy would have women acting very differently too. But these women want to keep doing whatever they're doing, except be above criticism.

These women need a good old-fashioned consciousness-raising about their own behavior to see how it supports the patriarchy.

i'm a woman and i've never in my life felt pressured to "be polite" if i didn't want to fuck

It's good that this has been your experience, but it has very much not been many other women's experience. Other women have felt immense, unceasing pressure to be polite and spare other's feelings (especially men's feelings). That's just the reality of the situation, and you being hostile to these women for no good reason whatsoever is not going to change that.

Yes, women feel social pressure. Men feel social pressure as well. But no one frets over men feeling pressure, because everyone understand that men are strong, independent, and don't need to rely on women for help. Are women not strong? Are women incapable of acting in their own self-interest, without relying on male guidance and protection? Are women lesser than men?

It would definitely help if everyone would quit blatantly ignoring the other side's points. There's truth to the "social pressure" point, and there's truth to the "women are/should be autononmous beings" point. Clinging to fear and victimhood has never solved the issue, but then, judgment and victim-blaming has never made anyone brave enough to step away from such things.

The thing is in this particular case: There is no actual "victim" to blame unless you have this obsession with victimhood and "all women poor oppressed flowers" thinking. To everyone not subscribing to this POV, the whole thing was a bad date based on the miscommunication of two adults who were both not very smart about things.

I agree it sounded like a bad date with poor communication. But ignoring what might have led a person to feel like they couldn't express themselves has never been helpful. Social pressure is real. An upbringing where you feel you have no choice but to please others and go along with everything or be punished is real. And for the record, no, I don't blame Aziz for that.

i'm a woman and i've never in my life felt pressured to "be polite" if i didn't want to fuck

Congratulations on your immense amounts of privilege

Signed: a rape victim who thinks you're disgusting and sexist in a very awful way to think everything is so black and white

[ SECRET POST #4041 ]

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