fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #550 ]

⌈ Secret Post #550 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Going to be doing some advertising until the 15th!

livelongnmarry [LJ comm] - fandom auction type place! For a good cause.
Juxtapose Fantasy [website, art/fic] - Yaoi/slash fans - have you visited JuxtaposeFantasy yet?

Secrets Left to Post: 09 pages, 223 secrets from Secret Submission Post #079.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 3 4 - not!secrets ], [ 1 2 3 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I am, too, and you're 100% correct. It's really rather astounding, and you really don't notice it at first, not at all.

Note that not all BNF's are like this—I've been friends with ones who really are just super nice and happen to be talented and good at giving the people what they want. But they're more low key to begin with, so you can always tell. And some go nuts with their internet fame for a while but get over it and back to being their normal selves.

I agree not all BNFs are this way, but this particular person has always been shades of crazy and as I'm looking back through everything, I just can't believe I didn't notice before.

When this person recently made a post and wrote how appalled they were that people didn't know who they were or what made them so popular in the first place I was shocked and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I wanted to shout 'Who cares!?' and 'Get over yourself!'

I feel like I can't do or say anything at this point because I'm scared of what this person could do to me especially after I've seen what they've done to other people who have crossed them.

But it makes me happy to know that I'm not the only one who regrets getting close to a BNF.

My advice is to just fade away slowly. You can't do anything to stop their behavior, and you're right that it would only make you a target. The one nice thing about narcissists is that they don't really notice what other people are doing. Get involved in other parts of the fandom. Get known for something other than friend-of-bnf. Don't defend him/her publicly, but don't trash him/her either. That's what I did and it worked pretty well, actually. I would say that we're merely friendly acquaintances now, and that's much better for my sanity.

I wish we didn't have to be anon! I could say so much more but people would definitely work out who I was friends with. (Also? That post of the BNF sounds awesome in a completely ridiculous way.)

I guess I have been fading for a while. The big problem is that we know each other in real life and we have mutual friends. I know some of them at least agree with me.

Thanks for the advice, and I would really like to talk more, I made a gmail account where we can talk privately. Try me at anon3241 [at] gmail.com

This is a different anon, though I am friends with Anon #1.

I was in the same situation as her, and wish only to say OMFG, if I learned one thing from that situation it's to stay away from people who thrive on manufactured drama. This BNF ex-friend was very talented and deserved to have people pay attention to them, but mother of god they stirred up an incredibly amount of chaos for their own entertainment, a lot of which then spilled into our RL friendships.

Boo sucks to the entire enterprise!

[ SECRET POST #550 ]

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