[ SECRET POST #4158 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4158 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 17 secrets from Secret Submission Post #595.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I’m kind of surprised by the level of blowback the OP is getting, I guess because there’s been times when I’ve seen fan behavior that makes me uncomfortable and sometimes even pissed off.

And I kind of glossed over the age-related comments as not the most important part of the secret. I kind of sympathize with crushing on people who aren’t my age, though, but most of my celebrity crushes have always been in their late 40s to 50s; not so odd now I’m in my mid 30s but it sure made me a weirdo as a tween and teen.

And, uh, sounds like OP has shit tons of issues with their MIL, this is just their fandom-related gripe with her.

[(Anonymous)]

I get OP having issues tbh, but OP's language is just SO over-the-top (at least on the basis of what they're complaining about in the secret) that it's not at all surprising that they'd get blowback

[(Anonymous)]

If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say that the reason for the blowback is that people are feeling judged by the OP for their fandom crushes and fannish behavior even though no such judging has taken place. I'd guess that the anger and defensiveness felt is causing a lot of people to interpret the secret in a far more hostile fashion as a personal attack, even though no such personal attack against FS users has taken place. I'm also guessing that most people are completely missing the point that this is about OP's bad relationship with their MIL, and that fandom is just the manifestation, not the focus.

[(Anonymous)]

... Or maybe the aggressively hostile language in this secret rubbed people the wrong way. As long as we're projecting here.

[(Anonymous)]

The first line of the secret is "I judge my MIL harshly for her gross real life and fictional crushes".

It doesn't exactly take a genius to deduce that there are probably other issues there, but the actual secret is definitely about the crushes and the fandom, not the other issues

[(Anonymous)]

Also, lbr, would this entire comment thread look remotely similar if it was OP's *father* in law discussing 30something women?

[(Anonymous)]

Men and women generally frame those things in incredibly different ways, which is part of the reason why the reaction might be different

SA

[(Anonymous)]

(the difference is socially constructed, to be clear)

[(Anonymous)]

30-something women? Yeah, probably.

The main difference is there would be a lot of eyerolling over OP pearl-clutching at a 50-something dude actually crushing on women who are actually old enough to drink thrown in.

[(Anonymous)]

I brought up that point earlier and it went over like a lead balloon. People don't seem to want to admit that it might be legitimately icky to have to witness a middle aged woman perving on actors young enough to be her son and they're going to ignore the double standard because hell no, they would definitely not be so magnanimous if it was a middle-aged guy perving on someone young enough to be his daughter.

[(Anonymous)]

To follow that train of thought, I am curious as to what exactly the cutoff is for "young enough to be her son." 14 years younger? 16? 18? It's legitimately icky when we're talking underage people, but these guys are all in their upper 20s and 30s, aren't they?

I don't really get the outrage over the age question here, that's all. Now, fixating on creepy douches is whole other issue and personally much more concerning for me.

But I would present that as a separate issue from the fact that she's, as you say, "perving on actors young enough to be her son". And I think that's what most comments here are taking issue with.

[(Anonymous)]

F!S actually has been much more positive about older men hooking up with younger women than you're characterizing it - go and look up the Paul Hollywood discussions recently if you don't believe, I think a majority of people in those threads were defending him

There's much more consistency here than you think

[(Anonymous)]

And that's not even remotely a bad thing as long as all people in a relationship are consenting adults.

[(Anonymous)]

haha yeah I get the feeling there's a lot of in-law issues here but hey, this is fandom secrets not Just No MIL.

but the age comment is just sort of an over-the-top last-second pearl-clutch, like how dare a woman in her 40s-50s crush on an actor in his 20s. It's meant as a secondary piece of "evidence" that MIL is "pathetic" and yeah, of course a lot of us over 40 aren't going to react well to that. maybe it wasn't meant personally to each of us as individuals but that's the sort of sentiment that can poison a fandom real quick (as the first anon in the thread mentioned)