[ SECRET POST #4197 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4197 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 35 secrets from Secret Submission Post #601.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Romance thread

[(Anonymous)]

I've gotten cold feet about the relationship I'm in, or maybe I've just lost interest. Objectively, she is fantastic - cute, smart, funny, has similar nerdy hobbies, is very successful professionally. She's thoughtful, kind, and really into me. We're not too far into the relationship but I have already become lukewarm at best about it, and I just can't figure out why. The sex doesn't interest me, and when she flirts with me, some part of my brain gets turned off and irritated. She wants to be together all the time, and I just don't, at all. But there's no good reason why. She's amazing. I guess I'm just not attracted, or maybe I'm just destined to always get cold feet in general about relationships. She just wants to get more serious and my gut is telling me to back out. I don't think I want it to go any further than this, but I don't know what to tell her when "it's not you, it's me" sounds cliche, even though it's completely true.

I know sometimes relationships aren't always hot passionate sex, and attraction can wax and wane and ultimately you have to compromise, accept faults, and love your partner anyway. But I don't know how much longer I should be trying to figure out what I want and why and wonder if my feelings will change again, since it's not fair to her either.

Re: Romance thread

[(Anonymous)]

Eh, sound to me like you're not on the same page. You should break up and then you should take sometime off relationships for awhile and figure out what you want, or get a better idea of what you want. Things tend to fall into place when you're not trying as hard to force them to, imo.

Re: Romance thread

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks for the comment, and yeah, I think we're not. In my head, I do want a serious relationship because ideally I want to get married and have kids (and as a lesbian, that's not gonna happen by accident). But in practice, I think I don't know what I want and what actually makes me happy. A break from relationships might be what I need...

Re: Romance thread

[(Anonymous)]

Break up. Don't try to sugarcoat it too much either, because honestly, that just complicates things. Just tell she's a great person, but you're not feeling it, the end. It's entirely possible for someone to be the perfect partner... but not the perfect partner for you.

And in the future, communicate your concerns and feelings to your partner more openly. Playing along just makes you feel resentful and poisons the relationship and the longer you wait, the worse it is when you end it.

Re: Romance thread

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks, and you're right. I'm not good at communicating my feelings because I'm never sure what it is I feel, and that makes me hesitant to say things I know the other person doesn't want to hear. You're right about playing along making me resentful - that makes sense how you put it. I hate that I am starting to feel so annoyed by her, because she's literally doing nothing wrong besides being a great girlfriend. I get these feelings like she's too clingy and I hate sleepovers with her and I just want time to myself, and I feel shitty that I feel that way. I've just been kind of floundering.

Re: Romance thread

[(Anonymous)]

Sometimes you're just not matched well, even if you look amazing on paper. It doesn't make either one of you the bad guy. You're only the bad guy if you string someone along while saying one thing while truly meaning/intending another. If it were me, I would listen to my gut before I'm in too deep. But whether or not you stay together, please treat her with kindness and respect.

Re: Romance thread

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks, and you're right. I've just been trying to put my feelings in order before I move one way or the other, but I sort of end up toddling between two things, when in the end, I know what my gut says.

Re: Romance thread

[(Anonymous)]

You don't need a good reason not to want to be with someone. If it's still early in the relationship and you're already feeling blah about it, it's probably not going anywhere good. Sounds like you want more space and alone time, which she may be willing to give you if you ask for it, but it also sounds like you just may not be into her.

Re: Romance thread

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks. Yeah, it is early, but we've known each other longer than that, so it's a little hard to just cut her off - I wish we had just remained friends, because we have so much in common, and I don't know if it's realistic to expect to go back at this point.