[ SECRET POST #4197 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4197 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 35 secrets from Secret Submission Post #601.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Romance thread

[(Anonymous)]

I’m having a bit of a rough patch with my girlfriend. We basically never have sex, and I keep trying to talk about it but nothing ever comes of it. I’ve also been increasingly frustrated that getting her to do any cleaning around the house is like pulling teeth. We both work full time but if we both cleaned a little every day we would be fine, but she won’t do it and she’s really messy... I try not to be a nagging girlfriend but I don’t know. I’m sick of the house being a mess and getting no help cleaning it.

Re: Romance thread

[(Anonymous)]

That would really bother me, too, anon. At some point, it's not about a relationship, it's about being roommates, and you might need to clearly set rules. Granted, that probably wouldn't help the rough patch... but I still think it's important to be upfront and clear that you expect your roommate to share cleaning duties. I don't think that makes you a nagging girlfriend, because not cleaning is way worse than nagging about it.

Re: Romance thread

[soldatsasha]

That sucks, nonny. :( Cleaning up after yourself isn't an unreasonable expectation to have of an adult. You shouldn't feel like a nag just because you want to live in a comfortable space.

Re: Romance thread

[(Anonymous)]

that first bit sucks enough anon but jesus that cleaning bit...speaking as someone who has been there, done that: communicate before you explode. when you just silently grit your teeth and forge onward, the resentment will build and build until you kick holes in a wall. just use your words, please and thank you, but make sure to express that the more you shoulder alone, the harder it is for you to not feel resentment.

there's lots of reasons for someone to not pull their weight in the house. depression, yes, but even my depressed roommate knows she has to get off her ass and do even minimal chores to function. she also has a sense of self-awareness. there are two kinds of people who will actually get mad for even being asked politely to do a thing: narcissists and assholes. people who are so up their own ass that they would take a request to share the burden as a personal attack. I have lived with those people. I do not live with those people anymore.

what worked for us was agreeing on a set number and type of chores. it's not just saying "half and half" without defining what those halves are. I do the cooking and lawn care because I enjoy those things and I'm a good cook. she has a list of small things that make my life sooo much easier when I don't have to do them, like empty the trash, clean the litterbox, keep the desk uncluttered, change the furnace filter - little things! and yeah she uses an app to keep track of them, but I'm all whatever works, hon, as long as you do it.

still, it sounds like you guys might have deeper problems if she doesn't even want to sex or discuss it to a satisfying conclusion. but I ain't no marriage counselor. get that chore shit settled out as roommates and don't let it infect the relationship with unresolved resentment. that way you can work on the girlfriend part independently.