fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4217 ]

[ SECRET POST #4217 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4217 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #603.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Below

I’m trapped in my current job and I just want to die. I might try and kill myself this week. I have no skills, and I keep applying for jobs but I can’t get anything except for other jobs like the one I have now. I thought just earning money would make me feel better but it doesn’t. My body hurts all the time, I’m barely eating and the only thing keeping me from having a breakdown every day is weed (which I am out of right now.) I can’t keep doing this. I don’t want to keep living if I keep feeling like this. Idk why I’m posting this here of all places but oh well. I used to vent on here every now and then so maybe I’m feeling nostalgic. Idk. I just want to die.

I'm sorry, anon. I hope you don't do this, and I hope things get better for you. I don't mean to sound preachy, but spending your money on decent food instead of weed might help. Weed can be a temporary lift, but low blood sugar and malnutrition can make you feel like shit for a lot longer and weed can't fix that.

I eat decent when I do eat my job doesn’t give me lunch breaks though and I have no appetite anyway - also 10 dollars a week won’t buy me much more food.

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough patch, anon.

Don't stop making small changes to try to improve things. Even having mostly the same role at a job, but in a location near a park you can sit and eat lunch in can make a positive difference. You might find a different boss who is more considerate of you needing to be seated or having things like kneeling pads if you have to stock low shelves if you are having physical issues with those tasks. Just keep asking and keep looking.

I know you might have difficulty accessing mental health, medical, social support and food banks if you are struggling to afford groceries right now - but please look and ask anyway. It's easy to fall into the mindset that you are undeserving of help when you are having a difficult time, but that is exactly what non-profit and government funded services are there for. Would you consider calling a suicide helpline and speaking to someone about how you're doing?

I really hope that you get what you need to get you through this.
It is possible even if it doesn't feel like it is right now. I am a formerly suicidal anon myself.

I’m a housekeeper at a hotel - all the hotels in the area treat their housekeepers like shit, I actually work at one of the better ones. There are really no such things as accommodations innit either - you have to be on your feet all day, moving fast, no time for breaks when we’re busy. I have groceries just no time or appetite for them. I called the National hotline half an hour ago and I don’t feel better. I just feel bad for wasting the persons time. I probably didn’t do it right

There's no right way to call a hotline, and they are there for their time to be used. Don't take that on your shoulders.

The guy just mentioned that they were understaffed offhandedly (I was talking about my job being understaffed he was trying to relate to me) and I felt bad for tying up the line so I started like. Faking feeling better. So I don’t think I did it right :(

Again - there is *no* right or wrong way. Ever. You called, which is the important part. And what makes you less deserving of their time than someone else?

If you don't feel up to actually talking to someone again, text instead. Text HOME to 741741 in the US.

You are just as deserving of their time, help, and empathy. You are just as important as the next person.

I mean I feel like lying is wasting their time. And I wasn’t liking it much before that - it just felt like it was a bunch of platitudes I’ve heard a million times... maybe it was just the guy I had or maybe I wasn’t being honest enough to get real help. I don’t know. I don’t feel any less trapped at the end of it so it doesn’t matter.

Maybe it was them, sure. Inexperienced or having a bad day or who knows? I think anon gave some good advice above, about reaching out to services in your area.

And I think that, like doctors or treatments, you have to work to find a good fit, and helpline guy wasn't a good fit for you.

You reached out, and that's a huge step. Reach out again. Keep doing it. If not here, the same helpline, the text line, your local crisis center, whatever there is. You *will* find something that will help, that will give you hope, that will make a change possible.

I have faith in you, Anon. I really do.

And if i don't reply at some point, it's because it's late where I am, and I've dozed off. So don't read anything more than that into it. I'm old and I nap.

The problem is a crisis center can’t fix my job. It can’t magically give me enough money that I could quit my job and find something that makes me happy or make me not a useless unemployable mess. Reaching out is fine but my life circumstances are making me want to die and I can’t figure out a way out of this tunnel. I can’t keep living on the promise that maybe one day in the future I’ll be happy. That’s all I’ve been living on for 6 years and I can’t take it any more. I can’t keep going like this for another week or month or year.

No, they can't, but maybe they can help you deal with your unhappiness and depression in such a way that you can start making changes. Maybe they can help you find the resources take some classes, or find a different job you weren't aware of, or get you in touch with a doctor who can help with medication.

Maybe they can help with lower cost housing so that you could work some *other* job while you explore your options. Social services have, if nothing else, lists and lists of organizations, of people, of societies and government offices that do nothing but figure things out for people that are struggling.

They maybe can't *fix* things, but they very likely can put you on the road to fixing things *yourself*, with help and guidance and a supporting boost when you need it.

What you're saying here are the things to say to the people at the hotline, the crisis center, the social services office, your/a doctor. Someone out there - maybe more than one someone - will have the know-how, the connections, or the resources to help.

I have a degree and a field I would like to work on I just can’t get a job in it here and it’s a useless degree/field anyway, but I literally am bad at everything else. I can’t move to a better job market cause I don’t have enough money. I can’t go to the doctor for the same reasons. The job and housing market are both abysmal here and I don’t even own a car so I can’t commute. And none of this changes the fact that I will have to go to my job tomorrow and spend another day contemplating drinking bleach because it makes me so actively miserable. I can’t live for a promise of a future that might never happen.

But it very well *might* happen. It might happen and be amazing. You have a degree, so obviously you're not stupid. You did enough college to *get* a degree, so you obviously have the ability to do something and stick with it.

You might be able to do something similar but not quite exactly your degree, and again - this is where other people come in, who can help find things to your advantage, who can point you toward stuff you didn't know was available, who can show you options you might not have thought of.

I can only say, with true sincerity, that i think there's more for you in your life than a revoltingly painful death in a random hotel room. I think there are people around you who can help, and I think there's a future for you that doesn't suck.

I think you have that in you, and I think you can do it with help, and you've made the first step, by reaching out and saying aloud what is going on. I think you have the ability to do so much more, with someone - or several someones - giving you a boost.

I really do. I hope you can find that belief in yourself, Anon, I hope you can find something to ease your pain and give you some joy. Please talk to someone else later tonight, again in the morning, every day until you find someone who can really *help* you.

I understand what you’re saying - what I’m saying is the future brings me absolutely no comfort right now. My present hurts too much, and the idea of suffering like this for any longer to get to a good future doesn’t feel worth it anymore.

That said I’m going to go to sleep now - thank you for talking to me even though I argued with you the whole time. I really really mean that, you were very kind to me. Maybe I will feel better in the morning. Thank you.

I understand, Anon - I just hope for better, or different, or something, because I hate the thought of anyone being that unhappy.

And hey - arguing? A sign of life. If you really didn't care, you wouldn't have even bothered posting.

I hope you feel a bit better after sleeping, after talking. Please take care.
*hugs*

Lower cost housing and the homeless shelters are shitty. Please don't send her there. Government social services is a crap thing. I know what I'm talking about because I am currently stuck in it all. (Minus the shelters/ ghetto housing.)

I'm not sending anyone anywhere, just pointing out some resources. If you have better suggestions, please add them, rather than kibitzing.

Are there other things you could possibly do on the side to help earn a little more money? I have a friend who sells on eBay and while she doesn't make enough to live on (she does it part-time in addition to her actual job), she usually brings in an extra couple hundred dollars a month that way. It doesn't take any particular skills or equipment, either - she just buys stuff from store clearance sales and thrift stores and then takes photos for the listings with her cell phone camera and an old bedsheet as a backdrop. It may not get you out of that job but it might give you a little extra money so that you can eat properly and be able to buy some things to help make yourself a little happier.

Thanks for saying that. I had people telling me to call the suicide hotline after I cut my arm. I told them the hotline is crap and wouldn't change my life. All the situations I am stuck in would still be the same after I got out of a hospital. No one around me cares if I live on welfare the rest of my life or die by my own hand because no one will hire me and my family and friends don't care about me.

I called the National Suicide Hotline twice in the past three years. It's crappy help, really, and is just something that others tell you to do when they are at a complete loss to help, or don't want to, or your health insurance is total shit.

There's a lot going on in this story. You could benefit from a stay in a rehab centre if you could afford it. Sounds like you don't have insurance?

You have a degree, so you don't have no skills. Sounds like you have your health. Maybe just quit your job and hit the road for a little while?

Edited 2018-07-23 06:53 (UTC)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #4217 ]

Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide

Different anon.

Re: Tw suicide

Re: Tw suicide