Case (
case) wrote in
fandomsecrets2019-01-16 06:34 pm
[ SECRET POST #4395 ]
⌈ Secret Post #4395 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 16 secrets from Secret Submission Post #629.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Re: Where do you find meaning in your life?
(Anonymous) 2019-01-17 09:35 am (UTC)(link)Though I might be unique in my life, as I always believed I would die when I was young, before my time, just as a happenstance of life...
Never by my own hand, or by my own means. For as long as I have lived, I always had this belief that I lived on borrowed time.
I didn't even think it affected my life, until I finally realised it had...
Past my first encounter with death, after all I never saw it, just someone whom I'd absolutely admired taking her own life... I didn't even go to her funeral- I couldn't even bring myself to... I got ready and just sat in front of my mirror hating myself every step of the way, and I never even went...
I thought that I knew death. I thought I knew something worse than death... But I was so, so, wrong...
And then I heard of an old friend of mine, rather that, an old classmate. At a time I finally pulled myself together, not fearing the time all would be for naught...
Only, I heard about it in the most unfortunate of ways... And it was someone who deserved to live a thousand times any life I'll ever manage... and I couldn't believe it; not only by how I heard- but also because one of their best friend is the reason I live today. And for so many years, so many clocks, and so many firsts, shooting stars I see each night- I only wished for their happiness...
For so many years, every candle, and every star I see each night- I wished they'd know even an ounce of happiness, of being, that they gave me- in the time I truly needed it...
Only then I hear about their father having another family abroad, a family he left them for, leaving them in ruins. And I hear that their very best friend died, when they had their whole life ahead of them... And I still continue to wish, on every star, on every cake, because it's all I have- to believe that maybe, in some little way, it might have helped. That maybe a little bit of happiness could exist, even when everything else fell apart...
I live in my dreams, because it seems more like reality than the life I life day by day.
Because for the longest time, I always though that I should have been me.