Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2008-09-11 03:59 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2008-09-11 03:59 pm
[ SECRET POST #615 ]
⌈ Secret Post #615 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Early cause I have class!
STILL RANK 35 → [ pop ind sec env com ]
Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 94 secrets from Secret Submission Post #088.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 3 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 3 - too big ], [ 1 2 - repeat ], [ 1 2 3 - troll ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
1: It wasn't just that line that I was claiming as an overreaction. You say (and keep in mind that I only learned this AFTER posting my reply, reading through the comments) that the only point of your secret is that you can't stand your friends talking about it around you and then jumping on you when you tell them you're uncomfortable with it. That's perfectly reasonable, and they're being absolutely horrible and need to learn to stop and, yes, be more sensitive. They're not even just being insensitive, they're being awful friends.
But you also pull the extremely convenient non-apology of "I know it's horrible and I feel so guilty about it because I know it's wrong- BUT." Any remorse with a "but" is adding an excuse to it. So you probably really do feel guilty and know it's a bad thing, but as soon as you add "but does SHE ever feel bad for writing something so horrible???" pushes at least part of the blame onto the other party. That is not taking responsibility anymore. Added to that, if you were only complaining about your friends being insensitive to you, you'd have no need of adding in the preaching that you did- and I'm sorry, but "writing a fic where rape is portrayed as sex is disgusting" is preachy. Saying that you cannot help finding fics like that disgusting is one thing, but to say you're NOT wagging a finger at people and going "YOU'RE HORRIBLE FOR DOING THAT AND SHOULD FEEL BAD!" when... you know, you actually say that in your secret, is pretty damn futile.
2: I think you didn't actually read the link. Try clicking it again, it's just Wikipedia (which I know isn't always the best source, but I've seen it a lot of other places and it's just the quickest to find). You're right, rape is being dominated sexually but not all sexual domination is rape. However, rape fantasies are a common kink. Not just sexual domination, but rape. I do not see the point to your latter sentence, here.
3: That isn't unreasonable at all, and as I said, it's your friends who are definitely in the wrong here, and they DO need to be more sensitive. You went through something absolutely horrible, and they're being horrible to you on top of it, and that sucks. You need to make them understand, or maybe they're not very good friends after all.
But as long as that is not the only major point to your secret, people are going to continue being offended by your holier-than-thou attitude about all the rest of it.
And as my disclaimer, just gonna say that "rape-as-sexy" stuff isn't my thing at all either- it's a good psychological maneuver in a story sometimes, to see how everyone deals with the aftermath, but "sexy-rape" doesn't do anything for me and you are right in saying that 99% of the time it's OOC for the characters (oh, Clamp fandom ;;).
no subject
Did the OP tell the friends that she didn't want to talk about that stuff and didn't want people to talk about the topic in her LJ/whatever, and the friends still push it on her? Then the friends are assholes. But if the friends simply talk about the topic among themselves where the OP can still see it (flist, whatever), or the OP decided that pairing X = rape and flips out when the friends don't agree (I've seen this happen too many times)? Then sorry but it's the OP who has to learn the art of Ignoring Stuff You Don't Like. Etc. etc.
There's a limit of what you can ask from people. Asking them to not talk about something with you because it makes you unfomfortable? Sure. And asking them to stop talking about something anywhere where you may see it because it makes you uncomfortable? Nuh-uh.
no subject